Wednesday, June 18, 2008


In terms of my patient ratio, I don't like the way things are going right now. I haven't met five of my patients due to their absences. As a result, there are days when I lounge around the center playing with the patients of my colleagues (naks!). On the bright side, I'm always available whenever my CS buddy Sir Mark (the chief OT..yipes!) calls me for feedback, lecture or to assist in treating his patient. Whenever those happen, I almost always feel a sense of anticipation and nervousness as well. Sir Mark is nice, there's no question about it; but when it comes to the questions he throws at you and if you can't wring your mind for an answer or at least be confident in pretending you know exactly what you're talking about, then that's where the problems lie. He will really wait for your answer, and the silence accompanying it is really uncomfortable. The end point is, you will really learn a lot from him, and that's what matters. I'll admit that when I first found out he was to be my CS buddy, I was full of complaints. I kept on saying how unfair it was that the others got the nice, approachable and unintimidating ones. I realize now how thankful I am that he became my buddy bec. I never could have learned this much in one rotation if it weren't for him cramming up my head with all these infos. and giving me this much chance to maximize my potential/experience.

Today, he even let me handle his patient "shobe". He showed me how to do NDTs on her and let me practice what I learned during our lecture. It was really an experience like no other! At first, I really felt much trepidation since the patient was very fragile and you really have to balance the force you give to stretch the limb while not overforcing it lest you cause a fracture. By the end of the session however, I felt quite at ease doing the PROMs and stretching. It was really wow! Now, I knew why I felt drained every time we had a lecture or feedback. It was bec. I learned so much and I'm trying to cram all of it in my head. At the same time, I also feel happy every after our lectures and feedbacks bec. again, I learned a lot and I'm excited to try it out with my patients. By definition, this is true learning. Learning with application. Oh well, I still got until july 18. I just hope my patients (esp. N.M.) show up by then. So you see, despite the reputation of this center for being really toxic when it comes to patient distribution, the only toxicity for me are my documentations and the unspoken pressure from my CS buddy to be really good.

Sunday, June 08, 2008

Life As I See It

June--my 3rd placement is currently at Philippine Children's Medical Center. Last month was at Learning Partners School Inc. Being busy in my current rotation is something different, it would sure take some getting used to. Honestly, being around kids is a fun setting (pediatric), but as I've written in my previous post, I feel this is just not me. I mean, I can still feel the pull of adult physical dysfunction or the psychiatric setting. It's not that I don't like kids, don't get me wrong, but it's just the idea of treating them.. I feel like I don't have that much frustration tolerance to handle it. Oh well, the choice is's Yours, God, whichever way You lead me. You know what's best for me. That's the message at church this morning. Bro. Erwin said that if we just leave the choice to God, we'll never regret it, because God will never give us what's second best but only what He deems best for us. Thank You, Lord. Complete abandon. :a deep sigh of relief: Your grace still amazes me. haha that's the song that's been playing in my mind these couple of weeks ever since I came across it last May. It brought tears to my eyes whenever I sang it to the Lord. The song just overwhelms me with the grace of God. Fitting too, since this June is the start of our church's gospel meetings, and I need to be overwhelmed by the love of God in order to share Him with others. I've started praying and inviting my friends from high school to church. Sadly, though, almost all of them either have lots of things to finish, no time, or just plain didn't bother waking up. This isn't the first time I felt so hopeless, sorrowful, grieved, and dejected. This is how it feels like everytime I invite someone and I'm bursting with expectations of that person coming, but then, they don't.. I'm not so sure if this feeling of dejection is because I felt sorry for that person not being able to come and not being saved or just plain out of self-pity that I was rejected once more. I don't know why it's so hard for people to come to church and so easy to go someplace else given the choice. Yet through all these, I rejoice greatly, because God's work isn't over. It's just starting. And I know from experience, that God makes all things beautiful in His time. He is faithful. AND He surely answers prayers, ESPECIALLY if our prayers are in line with His will. So right now, let me say this in advance, thank You Lord for the work You are currently doing and is still completing until these people come to the knowledge of You and accept You as their Lord and Saviour. Show them what we, Your children, have seen. How amazing and wonderful and unfathomable Your love and Your grace is! That is all it takes. Open their eyes. Praise You, Lord, for Your work.

"My faithful Father; enduring Friend
Your tender mercy's like a river with no end
It overwhelms me, covers my sin
Each time I come into Your presence
I stand in wonder once again"
"Your grace still amazes me
Your love is still a mystery
Each day I fall on my knees
Your grace still amazes me"
"Oh, patient Savior, You make me whole
You are the Author and the Healer of my soul
What can I give You, Lord, what can I say
I know there's no way to repay You
Only to offer you my praise"
"It's deeper, it's wider
It's stronger, it's higher
It's deeper, it's wider
It's stronger, it's higher
Than anything my eyes can see"