Wind Beneath My Wings

Speechless

2011-10-04T00:36:00.000+08:00

Lately, writing is becoming a burden.. both in my journal and in my blog.. it's not writing in itself, I love writing, don't get me wrong.. it's the fact that I can't seem to put my thoughts into words.. confusion sets in.. so i'll end this really short account.. suffice it to say that i am at the moment inept to put my experiences into writing but still i will declare--the Lord has made me glad!

My Prayer and Heart Desire

2011-09-04T21:12:00.000+08:00

These days, things have been a little crazy.. I don't understand myself, nor am I trying to.. All I ask today is that I may bless the Lord's heart.. In all I do and say, I just want to make You happy, to want what You want, and to will what You will.. My life is Yours, Lord.. the rest, the future, may You take charge of it..

Death is Not Dying, A Faith that Saves

2011-07-03T23:42:00.000+08:00

Rachel's story is not unlike what thousands of women around the world have experienced. A diagnosis that changes a woman's life and inevitably takes from her what we consider to be most precious.

After four and a half years of vigilantly fighting breast cancer, the 37 year old wife and mother of two was diagnosed with terminal cancer.

But for Rachel the essence of life is found in her relationship with God through Jesus. And that's why Rachel is convinced that death is not dying.

Rachel Barkey's Testimony Transcript: (it's quite long, but if you'll read it, I guarantee you won't regret doing so)

Although there are many, many friendly faces among you, most of you don’t know me, but I would gather that most of you know that I am dying.

Six weeks ago I was given the news that my liver and bones are full of cancer. Just this past week I found out that it’s spread to my skull, and today even I went for an MRI to see if it’s gone to my brain. Estimates vary, but barring a miracle, it is likely that I will not be here in six to eighteen weeks, or 42 to 126 days. It sounds like a long time when you’re waiting for Christmas or something that’s on back-order, but when it’s the time that you have left to cuddle with your kids or spend with your husband, it’s terribly, terribly short.

Cancer’s been a big part of my life for several years now.

I was diagnosed with breast cancer nearly five years ago. Quinn, our son, was just two years old, and Kate, our daughter, was only seven months. I was just weaning her when I found the lump. I always wondered how you’d know when you found a lump, but when I found it, I knew.

Because of my age, I was 32, things moved quite quickly. I had a partial mastectomy within two weeks and then began six rounds of nasty chemo. Right after finishing chemo, I had more surgery, this time a bilateral mastectomy—removal of both breasts—and reconstruction. A few months later, I discovered that my cancer was genetic, and so I opted to have my ovaries removed in an effort to prevent the cancer from returning or new cancers from developing.

I have taken medication every day for the past four years to reduce my chances of occurrence.

In short, I did everything I could, and more than even my doctors recommended, to avoid the situation I find myself in today, but for some reason, what bothered me was the fact that all of a sudden people were defining me by my cancer. I was a cancer survivor—and I am. Well, I was. But cancer does not define me. Neither does being a wife or a mother.

All of these things are a part of who I am, but they do not define me. What defines me is my relationship with Jesus, and that is why I am here tonight, to tell you why Jesus defines me, to tell you what I have learned about what is really important in life, and to share the four things, the four principles that have helped shape me into who I am today and give me hope.

I have shed many tears over the past week as I grieve the reality of my death, and I will no doubt shed many more. But in the midst of my sadness, there is a deep and abiding peace and hope, a peace and hope that I would like for you to have, too.

So here’s the things I have learned, the important truths I want my kids to know:

Know God.
Know yourself.
Know the gospel.
Know your purpose.

In Romans 12, verse 2, it says:

Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect [which is to say we are changed by what we know]."

Before we go any further, I want to establish something as a starting point. I am going to quote from the Bible, and I am doing that because I believe it to be the very words of God for you and for me because, as charming as I’d like to think I am, what I say means very little, but what God says means everything. So here we go:

The first thing I’ve learned: Know God.

Now, I don’t even like to admit this, but I am a bit of a celebrity hound. I have to admit. When Neal and I were first married, we lived downtown Vancouver, and many evenings we would go for walks on Robson Street. Of course, of all the places in Vancouver where one is likely to see celebrities, it’s Robson Street. Neal likes to tease me because I often think I see someone famous only to find out it’s not.

Case in point: There was this one man that I would see often, and he was the spitting image of Tom Selleck. Remember him—Magnum, P.I.? Anyway, this guy looked exactly like him. He was tall like Tom Selleck. He had the thick mustache like Tom Selleck. One day we—me and Tom—were standing in the lineup at London Drugs, and I got a really good look at him. I still thought it might be him, and then I heard him speak—and it wasn’t him.

We often do this with people, don’t we? I think I kind of know Stephen Harper. I have friends who work for him. I have friends who are friends with his wife. I read what other people have said and written about him, and I make assumptions about him about what I think he is like—mostly based on my political leanings. Your opinion of him may be completely different than mine, especially if our political preferences differ. But in either case, it may or may not be who he really is because the reality is, neither of us know him personally.

On the other hand, I know my husband Neal. I know what is important to him. I know what he likes and doesn’t like. I know his character. I know his strengths, which are many, and I know his weaknesses, which are few. I know him because I want to know him. I spend time with him. I observe him. I ask him questions.

There is a natural tendency within us to try and make God who we think He is or who we think He ought to be. If all is well in our world, our view of God is unchallenged. He is good. He is loving. He is fair. But when things start to go awry, that is when our true view of God is revealed.

We think God is not good or that He is unjust, or that He is not in control because hurricanes destroy whole cities. Children are mistreated and abused. Wars break out and innocent people are killed, or women get cancer and die, leaving their children without a mother and their husbands heartbroken. We try to fit God into who we want Him to be rather than seeking Him for who He really is.

As someone said to me recently, “Rachel, I don’t believe in your God. I don’t believe in a God who would let this happen.” The problem is, there is only one God, and we can’t make Him who we want Him to be. He is who He is.

In His book, Made in His Image, Steve Lawson agrees saying,

Whenever we lose a right view of God, everything else gets out of perspective. Essentially, our view of God will inform our view of everything else. It will be the lens through which we perceive reality, and it will shape our thoughts, worldview, attitudes, and perceptions.

God has revealed Himself to us so that we can know Him, and He has done this in two ways: He has revealed Himself through nature. Psalm 19 says,

The heavens declare the glory of God, and the sky above proclaims His handiwork. Day to day pours out speech, and night to night reveals knowledge. There is no speech, nor other words, whose voice is not heard. . . . [Their voice] goes out through all the earth, and their words to the end of the world (Psalm 19:1-4).

All of nature speaks to the amazing character of God.

I always laugh when I read news articles or when new animal species are discovered or some major scientific breakthrough shows again how complex and amazing our world is. We think we know it all when in actuality we know very little.

Just as art is a reflection of the artist, nature is a reflection of its creator. So God has revealed Himself in nature.

He has also revealed Himself through Jesus. The book of John begins like this, speaking about Jesus:

In the beginning was the Word [Jesus], and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God. All things were made through Him, and without Him was not anything made that was made. In Him was life, and the life was the light of men (John 1:1-4).

And in Hebrews 1,

In these last days [God] has spoken to us by His Son, whom He appointed the heir of all things, through whom also He created the world. He [Jesus] is the radiance of the glory of God and the exact imprint of His nature (verses 2-3).

That is Jesus. Jesus is God.

When we learn about Jesus, we are learning about who God is. The whole Bible points to Jesus and teaches us about who God is.

God, of course, has many characteristics, but the one I will mention here encompasses many others and describes Him and only Him. He is holy.

Charles Hodge, the Princeton theologian defines it by saying,

The holiness of God is not to be conceived of as one attribute among others. It is rather a general term representing the conception of God’s consummate perfection and total glory. It is His infinite moral perfection crowning His infinite intelligence and power.

This is to say that He is perfect, and because He is moral perfection, He is separate from us because none of us—no matter how much we volunteer, or how much we give at the office, or how much we sacrifice for our kids, or how much we convince ourselves that we are good by saying, “Well, I’m not a bad person because I’ve never killed anybody,” none of us can claim moral perfection much less infinite intelligence and power.

Which leads me to my second point: Know yourself.

Here is where I hope you’ll permit me a few minutes to rant. I intend for it to be a gracious rant, but it’s going to be a rant nonetheless.

Everyone has pet peeves, and mine are very well known to those near me. I’m very particular about smells, so people who drench themselves in perfume and cologne—not my favorite. So I’m particular about smells.

Other pet peeves: I really have to bite my tongue when I get poor customer service. When someone in the service industry is thoughtless, lazy, or just plain rude, everything in me wants to get in their face and say: “People, this is your job.”

But my current pet peeve, the one that makes me rant, is the lie of self-esteem. It is everywhere. Oprah is its champion, but what distresses me most is how prevalent it is in the church today.

The lie of self-esteem is this: If I believe that I am good enough, or that I am worthy enough, I will be happy.

In the secular world, it sounds like this: Believe in yourself. You deserve it. Learn to love yourself.
In the Christian world, it sounds like this: If you just believe that you are loved by God, you will be happy. Or, accept yourself because God has already accepted you.

They all sound pretty good, actually. Nothing wrong with that—right? But there is. Do you hear it? Me, me, me. The lie of self-esteem is that I need to do something. I need to believe something, or I need to accept something in order to be happy or complete.

Several people have asked me lately: “Why would God take you away from your family when a murderer or a rapist gets to live a long life?”

The implicit assumption there is that I am a good person, and I deserve better. But I am not a good person, and I do not deserve better. Bear with me as I explain.

I have done wrong things—we all have. True, I have not murdered anyone, but I have done things that are wrong. In Romans 3:23, it says, “All have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.”

I know that if I did not get praised or avoid punishment for doing good things, I would choose to spend all of my money on me. I would make decisions about how to spend all my time and activities around what was best for me. Isaiah 53:6 confirms this: “All we like sheep have gone astray. We have turned everyone to his [or her] own way.”

The sad thing is culture tells us that this is a good thing. “You can do whatever you want if it makes you happy.” And sometimes, but not always, we throw in the caveat, “and doesn’t hurt anybody else.”

Left to our own devices, our sinful nature cannot help but express itself. Sure, we try to do the right things, but doing things on the outside does not change the inside. Our hearts are still the same. Be honest with yourself.

Our natural tendency is not to do good things.

I’ll use my kids as an example. Since last fall I have thought that I really need to be a nicer mother. Now most of you who even know me fairly well would say, “You’re always so nice to your kids.” Not true. Just ask them. I have found that I say, “No,” an awful lot, and when I took an honest look at myself, I realized I was saying, “No,” because it was inconvenient to me.

I don’t want them to jump on the bed because that means I will have to tidy it again.
I don’t want to give them a snack because that means I have to get up from checking my email to get it for them.
I don’t want to do that craft right now because it will be another mess for me to clean up.

Hear it? Me, me, me. And now when I know that the days I have with them are few, I find myself saying, “Yes,” a lot more.

It is a subtle difference, but it is one I encourage you to listen for because the focus of life is too often ourselves when it should be God, and this is the essence of sin.

I am already unable to be out of bed for more than a few hours a day. This evening has required a full day in bed, which was disrupted by the fact that I had to go and have an MRI, and a lot of drugs to make it possible for me to stand here right now, and that frustrates me.

The other day Kate asked me to pick her up. She’s five. This doesn’t happen very often by the sheer fact that she’s just too big. But there she was, standing in front of me with her arms outstretched, asking, “Mommy, will you pick me up, please?” I thought, hoped, rather, that she was asking for something else, something I could do, because I couldn’t pick her up. I had to tell her so because if I do, the bones in my back, which are riddled with cancer, are so weak that they will collapse onto my spinal chord. I understandably got frustrated and angry. I reel against the fact that I can’t do what I want to do.

The worst moments of each day are the ones right when I wake up, the moments when I’m just coming out of a deep sleep, and I’m becoming aware of what time it is, what day it is, and then I remember that I’m dying.

My frustration and anger are normal. They are even right—some would say. But at their root, they are unbelief. They are my sinful heart saying, “I don’t believe that this is the right thing for me, God. You must not know what You are doing, or if You do, You are not good, or You are not in control, or You are just being unfair because I don’t want this, and You are not giving me what I want.”

That is what my heart naturally says, and what yours does, too, when faced with circumstances we don’t like—when someone at work is making things difficult, when someone in our family doesn’t do what we would like them to do, when accidents, natural disasters, or disease happen. But God is good. He is in control. And He is fair. When I try to make Him into a God who serves me, I sin. Our natural bent is to sin, and it is our greatest problem.

Know the Gospel. The Gospel, for those who are unfamiliar with the term, means “good news,” the good news that, in light of God's perfection and our imperfection, God has made a way for us to know Him, and that way is Jesus.

Paul, speaking in his letter to the church in Corinth says,

For I delivered to you as of first importance what I also received: that Christ died for our sins in accordance with the Scriptures, that he was buried, that he was raised on the third day in accordance with the Scriptures (1 Corinthians 15:3-4).

When I was a kid, I must have prayed a bunch of times for Jesus to come into my heart. I thought that I had asked Him to come in, but I was afraid He might have left.

Then when I got older and was sure that He hadn't left, I didn't really understand the difference that it made for me now. I had my ticket to heaven, so to speak, but what difference did this good news make to me now, today? All the difference in the world, and let me tell you why.

What happened on the cross at Calvary was that every sin of every person was placed on Jesus, and God the Father poured out His wrath on His Son. God looked at Jesus, His Son, as if He had committed the sins of horrible men and women and was punished for it, not just the murderers and the child molesters, yes, them too. But my sins and your sins, all the pride, all the selfishness, all the lies, all the unkind thoughts and actions.

The second part of Isaiah 53:6 talks to this. The first part we read earlier is about our sin, and then we find out what God has done with it.

All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned every one to his [or her] own way; and the LORD has laid on him [Jesus] the iniquity of us all.

When you know the Gospel, when you know what has been done for you and you remind yourself of it every day, you don't get offended when someone criticizes you because you realize that you actually deserve much harsher criticism, but you've avoided it because of Jesus.

You forgive your husband or your friend when they slight you or treat you unkindly because you realize how much you have already been forgiven because of Jesus.

The Gospel is not just a ticket to heaven. It is a whole way of living. Some of you who know Jesus still struggle to understand how this applies to your daily life, and even if you do understand, my challenge to you is this: talk to yourself.

Martyn Lloyd-Jones says, “Have you realized that most of your unhappiness in life is due to the fact that you are listening to yourself rather than talking to yourself?” We do it to ourselves every day. Every morning, we wake up, and it begins.

“What day is it? Wednesday, oh great, another day of laundry and errands. It is never ending." C. J. Mahaney says in his book, The Cross-Centered Life.

On a daily basis, we are faced with two simple choices. We can either listen to ourselves and our constantly changing feelings about our circumstances, or we can talk to ourselves about the unchanging truth of who God is and what He's accomplished on the cross for us in His Son, Jesus.

I realized that I was spending more time listening to myself rather than talking to myself. But because I knew God, I knew myself, and I knew the Gospel, I began to remind myself of these truths daily. If you haven't already:

Make and stick to a plan to read the Bible.
Join a small group Bible study.
Read good books, and I mean books that might even make you uncomfortable.
Choose friends who want to know Jesus like you do. I have great friends. I don't do many things well, but the one thing I have done well is to pick good friends.
Choose a good church that talks a lot about Jesus.

Because I have done these things, in the midst of conflict, I am able to remind myself of the Gospel.

The final thing I have learned: know your purpose. The Westminster Catechism (a lot of you probably haven't heard that one before) states, “The chief end of man is to glorify God and enjoy Him.” This seems at first blush a rather odd thing to have as our purpose. It goes against everything our culture tells us that we should want or live for.

First of all, to glorify God, what kind of purpose is that? Is God arrogant, selfish, or meglomaniacal to want things for His glory? I wish I could answer that for you in depth. Time does not permit, but ask it. Ask it and seek the answer.

Don't just dismiss God or assume that you know who He is because you don't understand Him. He is knowable. If you seek the truth, it will stand under the hard questions.

As a brief answer, we start where we began. Know God. We know God is perfect, and so His desire for us to glorify Him is rooted in this perfection. One author explains this when he says,

When a human glorifies himself, he robs others of joy, but when God displays and exhibits His glory, He shares joy with His creatures and wholeness with all creation. Put most directly, without the knowledge of God's glory, we would be robbed of true joy.

How do we glorify God? The answer is in the second part of the equation—by enjoying Him, by knowing God, by being like Jesus. What did Jesus do? He served. Mark 10:45 says, “For even the Son of Man came not to be served but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.” He came to serve us, and He did it joyfully.

A few years ago, I was struggling with the daily grind of constantly cleaning and tidying, laundry (which I detest), trying to meet project deadlines, cooking meals and washing dishes, replying to work emails, refereeing disagreements with the kids, homeschooling, only to turn around the next day or even the next moment to have to do it all over again. I thought, “Is this it? Is this all that I'm supposed to be doing?”

Right about that time, I came across a blog of someone who put it so succinctly, it has stuck with me ever since. They said, “I am here to serve with joy.” Up until that point I had been serving. Believe you me, I was serving and serving and serving—meals, sippy cups, snacks, housekeeping, diaper changing, toothbrushing, organizing.

I was serving—just like Jesus, but I wasn't doing it with joy. Big difference. Being here tonight is part of fulfilling my purpose to serve with joy because I know that one of my roles is to encourage and challenge other women in the church. Titus 2 says,

Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled (verses 3-6).

Now, there is a lot in there to talk about, but the point is that I am an older woman, despite the efforts of Oil of Olay and some serious concealer. One of my God-given roles is to help other women serve with joy.

Another role in which I serve with joy is to share my faith with those who are not Christians. First Peter 3:15 says,

Always being prepared to make a defense to anyone who asks you for a reason for the hope that is in you; yet do it with gentleness and respect.

I hope that I have done that tonight for those of you who do not yet know Jesus. And it is for my children.

Deuteronomy 6:7 says,

You shall teach them [talking about the things of God] diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.

I asked that tonight be videoed so that some day Quinn and Kate would be able to watch this and to hear my heart. I have been blessed to be their mother for these years.

I have many roles, including others not mentioned here, most noteably being a wife, but in all of these I have one purpose—to be like Jesus, to serve with joy.

Many have asked why. Why is this happening to you, to Neil, to Quinn and Kate, to your family and friends? I don't ask why because I know the answer, and here it is. We live in a sinful world. Bad things happen, but it was not supposed to be this way, and it will not always be this way.

God has a plan. He has made a way for sinful people, you and me, to be with Him in a perfect world. The way is Jesus.

Acknowledge that you have sinned and that you have a serious problem before you in light of a God who is perfect and just.
Recognize that there is nothing you can do to save yourself.
Trust that Jesus, who died to pay the penalty for your sin, has risen from the dead and given you His righteousness.

This is the way to know God and someday be free from this world of disease and pain.

Second Peter 3:9 says this,

The Lord is not slow to fulfill his promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance.

So God is being patient, patient so that everyone has the opportunity to repent and to make things right with Him. That is why there is evil and suffering in the world, because when He does return to bring judgment, there will be no second chances.

I am dying, but so are you. Neither of us knows if he will even see tomorrow, and perhaps the reason that I am suffering now, the reason that God is waiting to bring judgment against all the evil in this world, is because He's waiting for you, for you to acknowledge your sin and to turn to Him for forgiveness. Maybe you are the one we are waiting for.

Jesus suffered. God did not spare Him. Why would He spare me if my suffering would result in good for you? If my suffering is the means that God would use to bring even one person to Himself, it is an honor for me to suffer.

Does that seem strange? I suppose it does, but really, it is the only way that all of this makes any sense at all. A God who sees my suffering but is unable, or worse, unwilling to spare me? A God who sees my suffering but allows it with no greater purpose or hope? My God is able to save me, and He will; but save me from what? From a life without Him.

There is a place where there is nothing good, not even a gentle rain or a child's laugh. It is a place where everything that we despise about this world, the evil, the injustice, is the rule with no exceptions.

Hell is a physical place where God is not. Instead, He will bring me to a perfect world where He is, heaven, where life is full of wonder, adventure, and joy, everything good, for all eternity. My God is able to save me, and He will. This suffering is temporary, and the life I will live in eternity will make all this seem light and momentary.

As one speaker explained, “God allows in His wisdom that which He could easily prevent by His power.”

I chose the title of this talk, Death Is not Dying: A Faith that Saves. The first part came from one of my favorite preachers and authors, Charles Spurgeon, and the second came from another of my favorite teachers, our Pastor at Westside, Norm Funk, when he recently posed the question from James 2:14, “Can that faith save?” He pointed out the most important word in that verse is the word, that.

Can that faith save? We all have faith in something, but not all faiths save. The faith I have saves, so when I say that death is not dying, the part of me that will die is only a shell.

The next few weeks or months will not be pretty. Bone cancer is intensely, intensely painful, and I am already bedridden for almost the entire day, taking three, sometimes four different medications to control the pain.

Liver cancer causes intense nausea. Last Saturday I woke up, and I instantly had to run to the washroom to throw up. I did not stop throwing up all day, and just last week when we learned that the cancer has spread to my skull, it made sense because it has started affecting the nerves in my face.

I have not felt hungry in more than two months. Any food I do eat is forced down, but it will not always be this way. Soon I will become too weak or in too much pain to get out of bed at all. It will become harder and harder to eat and drink. My body and the cancer will fight over the few calories that I do consume. Eventually, the cancer will win, and I will starve to death.

That is the most likely scenario. I have lived a seemingly picture-perfect life from the outside looking in. In truth, I have been very blessed, but in my life there have been many difficult things that the Lord has allowed.

I have known the shame of being sexually abused. I have made poor decisions in relationships and have hurt others and have been hurt as a result of them. I have known the searing pain of loss with the death of a loved one. I have been diagnosed with cancer twice now, and this second time, barring a miracle, will end my life before I reach my 38th birthday.

In His providence, God has used the tough things in my life to draw me closer to Him, to show me His great love, and to teach me many things. I have learned that I am not perfect, and I have the scars to prove it, 13 of them. They serve as a physical reminder of a spiritual reality that I can never be perfect on my own. I need a savior.

I have learned that the greatest evidence of God's love is seen when I stand at the foot of the cross. He took my shame upon Himself and rescued me. I have learned that being a Christian is not just hope for the future, although it is most definitely that, but that it is the joy of knowing and trusting in a God who is loving and faithful no matter what the circumstances.

So, when I say that death is not dying, death will not kill my soul. It is eternal just like yours. It is just this physical body that will die, but even it will be raised again just like Jesus. It will be better than the one I have now.

Like everything, it will be better because God is going to make everything new, and I know this, why? Because I know God. I know myself. I know the Gospel, and I know my purpose. I know I have a faith that saves because my faith is in Jesus alone.

* I can't help but ask you, do you have the kind of hope that Rachel Barkey described in that message? She knew her time was limited, and she went home to be with the Lord on July 2, 2009.

Whether or not you’ve been diagnosed with a life-threatening disease, the fact is, your time is still limited. None of us knows how many years or months or weeks or even just days that the Lord will allow us to have here on this earth. Like Rachael, however long or short your life may be, you can have true hope through faith in Jesus Christ. Don't put off finding that hope.

credits to: http://www.reviveourhearts.com/radio/roh/today.php?pid=10608

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2011-06-30T02:23:00.000+08:00

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The Gospel, My Commission

2011-06-08T00:49:00.000+08:00

If I could say anything--anything at all--to my friends, I'd say:

"Dear friends..

..won't you come to Jesus?
..only He can help
..when you come to me with problems and hurts, broken hearts and all, only He can mend them
..just as you are
..how I long to bring you to Him
..I wish you'd know Him
..I hope you'd experience being overwhelmed by His love
..I wish you'd know for a fact that He is alive
..I hope you'd experience Him answering your prayers
..I wish you'd know that when you cry to Him, He just listens
..He's your best friend
..He loves you more than you can ever imagine
..I wish you'd stop rejecting Him whenever you are invited to a fellowship because He wants to spend time with you
..I hope you know for sure where you're going when this life comes to an end
..I pray earnestly for your soul that I'll see you again in the life after this, rejoicing in heaven and not tormented in hell
..I will never give up on you, just as Jesus never gave up on me
..you are so precious to Him, if only you knew that"

Your friend,
Joy

This song mirrors exactly how I feel..

PEOPLE NEED THE LORD

Everyday they pass me by,
I can see it in their eyes.
Empty people filled with care,
Headed who knows where?

On they go through private pain,
Living fear to fear.
Laughter hides their silent cries,
Only Jesus hears.

People need the Lord, people need the Lord.
At the end of broken dreams, He's the open door.
People need the Lord, people need the Lord.
When will we realize, people need the Lord?

Read more: http://artists.letssingit.com/steve-green-lyrics-people-need-the-lord-drn6jtr#ixzz1ObmedlQS
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Crazy

2011-03-29T02:14:00.000+08:00

Crazy by MercyMe

Why I would I spend my life longing for the day that it would end..
Why would I spend my time pointing to another man..
Isn't that crazy

How can I find hope in dying, with promises unseen..
How can I learn your way is better
In everything I'm taught to be..
Isn't that crazy

I have not been called to the wisdom of this world..
But to a God who's calling out to me..
And even though the world may think
I'm losing touch with reality
It would be crazy
To choose this world over eternity

And if I boast let me boast
Of filthy rags made clean
And if I glory let me glory
In my Savior's suffering
Isn't that crazy

And as I live this daily life
I trust you for everything
And I will only take a step
When I feel You leading me
Isn't that crazy

I have not been called to the wisdom of this world..
But to a God who is calling out to me..
And even though the world my think
I'm losing touch with reality
It would be crazy
To choose this world over eternity

Call me crazy
You can call me crazy
Call me crazy

I have not been called to the wisdom of this world..
But to a God who is calling out to me..
And even though the world may think that
I'm losing touch with reality
It would be crazy, It would be crazy, It would be crazy
To choose this world over eternity

Isn't That crazy..
Call me crazy
You can call me crazy
Call me crazy

Recent Fave Songs :)

2011-03-10T23:46:00.001+08:00

Rescue

You are the source of life
I can't be left behind
No one else will do
I will take hold of You

I need You Jesus to come to my rescue
Where else can I go?
There's no other name by which I am saved
Capture me with grace
I will follow You

My heart is yours for life
I need your hand in mine
No one else will do
I put my trust in You

*This world has nothing for me

Oceans Will Part

If my heart has grown cold
There Your love will unfold
As You open my eyes to the work of Your hand

When I'm blind to my way
There Your Spirit will pray
As You open my eyes to the work of Your hand
As You open my eyes to the work of Your hand

Oceans will part nations come
At the whisper of Your call
Hope will rise glory shown
In my life Your will be done

Present suffering may pass
Lord Your mercy will last
As You open my eyes to the work of Your hand
And my heart will find praise
I'll delight in Your way
As You open my eyes to the work of Your hand
As You open my eyes to the work of Your hand

Buhay artista

2011-02-17T00:44:00.000+08:00

hay buhay artista nga naman oo.. tulog sa umaga, gising sa gabi hanggang madaling araw.. ganyan ako ngayon kaya nag-ffeeling.. haha wala lang, drama lang..

Actually I'm so looking forward to tomorrow. It'll be my day off again. Such a relief after working nonstop for six days a week. I'm confused. What'll I do first? This comes in a rarity, so I want to make the most of it. I've already filled up the afternoon with an appointment at White Beauty Face and Body Center with mom. We're set to have treatments for the face, body, and feet. I'm quite excited, since this will be my first.

How about the morning? I hope to spend it by catching up on sleep a bit more and spending a lazy morning taking my time and waiting on the Lord in prayer, morning devotion, and pursuit. Oh, and I have to practice reading Psalm 52 in chinese, since I'll have to lead the reading in our bible study tom night.

I just have one prayer before the Lord these days: Save me from religion, I don't want to fall into it. I want to seek You, to love You, to satisfy You with all my heart. Not serving out of responsibility or obligation, but out of a heart that follows hard after You. Jesus, draw me close.

Is Your Health on the Line?

2010-12-03T16:27:00.000+08:00

Is Your Health on the Line?

Important info on use of mobile devices and how radiation affects us.

Lost love?

2010-11-03T00:45:00.001+08:00

Jesus, be my ONE and ONLY. No matter how much I repeat this and other such statements/declarations, I seem to be fooling myself in denial of all I feel. Indulge me just this moment and allow me to have one entry for my so-called pent-up emotions which I can no longer bear. I am human, after all.

Before, when I see him at church, he's just someone I admired and nothing more.. But now, I don't know..

If only I could tell you.. tell you how much I long to take a long walk with you, just to talk.. to ask your views, and to let myself be heard.. or even just to sit by your side in silent contentment.. I know it'd be comfortable either way. You see, I know what you're like.. even from afar.. I know.. because when you speak, when you share what's in your heart, I find we're just the same. I can complete your sentence, and I have no doubt you can do mine as well. I know deep inside, we're just two people with the "audience of One". We both long to please our Master as we sojourn here on earth. And when our time ends, we both long to hear the words "good and faithful servant".

Most of all, I know it is because we're so alike that we can never be together. I can't explain in detail, but I have no doubt you'd know what I mean.

And so, I repeat it once again.. JESUS, BE MY ONE AND ONLY. Whom have I in heaven but YOU, and EARTH has NOTHING I DESIRE BESIDES YOU.

Revisiting Writing

2010-08-24T23:49:00.001+08:00

hmm.. it's been a while since I last wrote here. I can't believe all that God has done and how He led me to where I am right now. It's amazing, actually. One minute, I was at the crossroads of life, so uncertain of what lies ahead.. And the moment I finally gave up on myself and relied wholly on Him, placing my hope upon Him, and acknowledging that I can do nothing but to follow Him as He leads me with just enough light for the step I'm on.. The very next day after that, voila, I had a job! God really works in amazing ways we humans would never foresee, because His ways and thoughts are higher than ours.

Day by day, moment by moment, as He leads me still to things far too great for me to expect or imagine, I realized that I cannot live a single day apart from His grace. Truly, Your love, oh Lord, is extravagant.

Pass It On

2010-05-19T00:10:00.002+08:00

It only takes a spark, to get a fire going.
And soon all those around can warm up in it's glowing.
That's how it is with God's love, once you've experienced it.
You spread His love to everyone, you want to pass it on.

I wish for you, my friend, this happiness that I've found.
You can depend on Him, it matters not where you're bound.
I'll shout it from the mountaintop, I want my world to know.
The Lord of love has come to me, I want to pass it on.

End Times

2010-03-16T02:46:00.001+08:00

After all the things I've seen and heard, I guess it's about time I wrote my end-time account.

Earthquakes in the ff. places:

Haiti
Chile (several)
Taiwan
Indonesia
Turkey
Japan

...and many more to come, I'm sure.. (may the Lord have mercy)

Acid wars in Hong Kong
Floods, droughts and other calamities
Plagues like H1N1, SARS, etc.
Morality at an all-time low
Microchips or identity chips, as they call it
Popularity of books and movies involving witchcraft and underworld creatures s/a vampires
Christians persecuted as reported on the VOM (voice of martyrs website: http://www.persecution.com/)
Watching the video of Lindsey Williams on youtube about Tragedy, Hope, Reality

Were I to recount all the news I hear or read about, it wouldn't be enough to place here because it is already the daily news that we think is so common that are actually the signs of the Lord's coming. WE ARE IN THE END TIMES. But everyday we still live haphazardly, not caring whether it be our last.

Here is a passage from the Bible that relates our present circumstances mentioned above to the signs mentioned by Jesus Christ Himself:

"Watch out that no one deceives you. For many will come in my name, claiming, 'I am the Christ, ' and will deceive many. You will hear of wars and rumors of wars, but see to it that you are not alarmed. Such things must happen, but the end is still to come. Nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. There will be famines and earthquakes in various places. All these are the beginning of birth pains. "Then you will be handed over to be persecuted and put to death, and you will be hated by all nations because of me. At that time many will turn away from the faith and will betray and hate each other, and many false prophets will appear and deceive many people. Because of the increase of wickedness, the love of most will grow cold, but he who stands firm to the end will be saved. And this gospel of the kingdom will be preached in the whole world as a testimony to all nations, and then the end will come.

~Matthew 24:4-14~

Below is also a site/link that I highly recommend reading. It's entitled "Are You Taking A Chance?"
Pls. click on it and read until the end.

http://www.mswm.org/endtimes.takingachance.htm

IS IT COMMON SENSE?

2010-02-12T01:04:00.001+08:00

Is it common sense?

...To say that you are doing your best and hope to get to Heaven because you are good; when God said that all our righteousnesses are as filthy rags and there is only one way to God, that is, through Christ (Isaiah 64:6; John 14:6)?

...To believe that it makes no difference what you believe, so long as you are sincere; when God's Son said, "Except a man be born again he cannot see the Kingdom of God." John 3:3?

...To spend all your time and effort acquiring wealth and earthly security; when God's Word says, "The world passeth away, and the lust thereof," 1 John 2:17 and "The Heavens being on fire shall be dissolved, and the elements shall melt with fervent heat." 2 Peter 3:12?

...To live for sin, self, pleasure and money; when the Bible asks, "What is a man profited, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul." Matthew 16:26?

...To willfully reject the Lord Jesus Christ as your Saviour when He is the only One who can save your soul from eternal judgment (Acts 4:12)?

Will it pay?

...If you have worked hard throughout your life and have finally attained a measure of security and comfort and then suddenly you die and pass into eternity without having prepared for those unending ages (Amos 4:12; Jeremiah 8:20)?

...If your life is replete with thrills, and hilarious with fun and pleasure, and for fifty or more years you really enjoy living; and then find yourself banished forever from God's presence in eternal darkness and unending torture (Revelation 20:11-15)?

...If you reject the Lord Jesus Christ now and succeed in having your own way and then some day find yourself standing in awful terror before the same Christ and He as your Judge shall pronounce your sentence of doom, "Depart from Me, ye cursed, into everlasting fire, prepared for the devil and his angels." Matthew 25:41?

It is common sense to prepare now to meet your God. The most intelligent thing you could do is to receive the Lord Jesus Christ as your personal Saviour and through Him accept God's free gift of eternal life.

It will pay to read the Bible and follow its instructions and through repentance from sin and faith in the Lord Jesus Christ receive forgiveness of sins now. It will pay throughout all eternity to know now that you have passed from death unto life and that your heart is right with God.

It is common sense to realize the reality of eternity and prepare for it. It is sensible to believe that death is not the end of everything, but the beginning of an unending existence in another conscious destiny. The most foolish and insane thing I could do would be to walk through the portal of death into eternity without preparation, without God, and therefore, without hope.

It will pay to be sure I am safe, and ready to meet God. If I now believe God's Word and avail myself of Christ's gift of salvation, it will pay me joy and peace now, and happiness and glory in the ages to come.

Pastor C. Leslie Miller

* text taken from gospel tract entitled "Is it Common Sense?" printed by EVANGELICAL TRACT DISTRIBUTORS (Edmonton, Canada)

P.S. If you are an unbeliever who is reading this, I pray God reaches your heart through this. If you are a brother/sister in Christ, please forward this as God leads.

Physical and Occupational Therapist Licensure Examination Results 2009 | The Composed Gentleman

2009-12-22T00:08:00.000+08:00

While browsing around and searching for name in google (yes, vain, I know :p), I chanced upon my name listed in the results of the OT licensure exam for July 2009 and remembered I haven't even placed it here yet. So here it goes, and as usual, I'm too lazy to copy and paste it all here so I linked from a website of a fellow blogger who happen to have it in his. Here's the link, but mind you, you have to scroll down to the very end and 2nd to the last name because my surname starts with letter Y. :)

Physical and Occupational Therapist Licensure Examination Results 2009 The Composed Gentleman

With Hope

2009-12-21T22:51:00.004+08:00

*another song by Steven Curtis Chapman, which is so timely.. my friend and sister in Christ, may you be comforted. :')

This is not at all how
We thought it was supposed to be
We had so many plans for you
We had so many dreams
And now you've gone away
And left us with the memories of your smile
And nothing we can say
And nothing we can do
Can take away the pain
The pain of losing you, but ...

We can cry with hope
We can say goodbye with hope
'Cause we know our goodbye is not the end, oh no
And we can grieve with hope
'Cause we believe with hope
(There's a place by God's grace)
There's a place where we'll see your face again
We'll see your face again

And never have I known
Anything so hard to understand
And never have I questioned more
The wisdom of God's plan
But through the cloud of tears
I see the Father's smile and say well done
And I imagine you
Where you wanted most to be
Seeing all your dreams come true
'Cause now you're home
And now you're free, and ...

We have this hope as an anchor
'Cause we believe that everything
God promised us is true, so ...

So we can cry with hope
And say goodbye with hope
We wait with hope
And we ache with hope
We hold on with hope
We let go with hope

How to make empanada dough for baking - Laylita's recipes

2009-12-11T00:26:00.000+08:00

Stumbled upon this while on a search for the perfect empanada dough recipe.. m definitely going to try this! :)
How to make empanada dough for baking - Laylita's recipes

Interesting Psychology

2009-12-04T00:56:00.004+08:00

What do we make of a boy like Thomas?

Thomas (his middle name) is a fifth-grader at the highly competitive P.S. 334, the Anderson School on West 84th. Slim as they get, Thomas recently had his long sandy-blond hair cut short to look like the new James Bond (he took a photo of Daniel Craig to the barber). Unlike Bond, he prefers a uniform of cargo pants and a T-shirt emblazoned with a photo of one of his heroes: Frank Zappa. Thomas hangs out with five friends from the Anderson School. They are “the smart kids.” Thomas’s one of them, and he likes belonging.

Since Thomas could walk, he has heard constantly that he’s smart. Not just from his parents but from any adult who has come in contact with this precocious child. When he applied to Anderson for kindergarten, his intelligence was statistically confirmed. The school is reserved for the top one percent of all applicants, and an IQ test is required. Thomas didn’t just score in the top one percent. He scored in the top one percent of the top one percent.

But as Thomas has progressed through school, this self-awareness that he’s smart hasn’t always translated into fearless confidence when attacking his schoolwork. In fact, Thomas’s father noticed just the opposite. “Thomas didn’t want to try things he wouldn’t be successful at,” his father says. “Some things came very quickly to him, but when they didn’t, he gave up almost immediately, concluding, ‘I’m not good at this.’ ” With no more than a glance, Thomas was dividing the world into two—things he was naturally good at and things he wasn’t.For instance, in the early grades, Thomas wasn’t very good at spelling, so he simply demurred from spelling out loud. When Thomas took his first look at fractions, he balked. The biggest hurdle came in third grade. He was supposed to learn cursive penmanship, but he wouldn’t even try for weeks. By then, his teacher was demanding homework be completed in cursive. Rather than play catch-up on his penmanship, Thomas refused outright. Thomas’s father tried to reason with him. “Look, just because you’re smart doesn’t mean you don’t have to put out some effort.” (Eventually, he mastered cursive, but not without a lot of cajoling from his father.)Why does this child, who is measurably at the very top of the charts, lack confidence about his ability to tackle routine school challenges?Thomas is not alone. For a few decades, it’s been noted that a large percentage of all gifted students (those who score in the top 10 percent on aptitude tests) severely underestimate their own abilities. Those afflicted with this lack of perceived competence adopt lower standards for success and expect less of themselves. They underrate the importance of effort, and they overrate how much help they need from a parent.When parents praise their children’s intelligence, they believe they are providing the solution to this problem. According to a survey conducted by Columbia University, 85 percent of American parents think it’s important to tell their kids that they’re smart. In and around the New York area, according to my own (admittedly nonscientific) poll, the number is more like 100 percent. Everyone does it, habitually. The constant praise is meant to be an angel on the shoulder, ensuring that children do not sell their talents short.But a growing body of research—and a new study from the trenches of the New York public-school system—strongly suggests it might be the other way around. Giving kids the label of “smart” does not prevent them from underperforming. It might actually be causing it.For the past ten years, psychologist Carol Dweck and her team at Columbia (she’s now at Stanford) studied the effect of praise on students in a dozen New York schools. Her seminal work—a series of experiments on 400 fifth-graders—paints the picture most clearly.Dweck sent four female research assistants into New York fifth-grade classrooms. The researchers would take a single child out of the classroom for a nonverbal IQ test consisting of a series of puzzles—puzzles easy enough that all the children would do fairly well. Once the child finished the test, the researchers told each student his score, then gave him a single line of praise. Randomly divided into groups, some were praised for their intelligence. They were told, “You must be smart at this.” Other students were praised for their effort: “You must have worked really hard.”Why just a single line of praise? “We wanted to see how sensitive children were,” Dweck explained. “We had a hunch that one line might be enough to see an effect.”Then the students were given a choice of test for the second round. One choice was a test that would be more difficult than the first, but the researchers told the kids that they’d learn a lot from attempting the puzzles. The other choice, Dweck’s team explained, was an easy test, just like the first. Of those praised for their effort, 90 percent chose the harder set of puzzles. Of those praised for their intelligence, a majority chose the easy test. The “smart” kids took the cop-out.Why did this happen? “When we praise children for their intelligence,” Dweck wrote in her study summary, “we tell them that this is the name of the game: Look smart, don’t risk making mistakes.” And that’s what the fifth-graders had done: They’d chosen to look smart and avoid the risk of being embarrassed.In a subsequent round, none of the fifth-graders had a choice. The test was difficult, designed for kids two years ahead of their grade level. Predictably, everyone failed. But again, the two groups of children, divided at random at the study’s start, responded differently. Those praised for their effort on the first test assumed they simply hadn’t focused hard enough on this test. “They got very involved, willing to try every solution to the puzzles,” Dweck recalled. “Many of them remarked, unprovoked, ‘This is my favorite test.’ ” Not so for those praised for their smarts. They assumed their failure was evidence that they weren’t really smart at all. “Just watching them, you could see the strain. They were sweating and miserable.”Having artificially induced a round of failure, Dweck’s researchers then gave all the fifth-graders a final round of tests that were engineered to be as easy as the first round. Those who had been praised for their effort significantly improved on their first score—by about 30 percent. Those who’d been told they were smart did worse than they had at the very beginning—by about 20 percent.Dweck had suspected that praise could backfire, but even she was surprised by the magnitude of the effect. “Emphasizing effort gives a child a variable that they can control,” she explains. “They come to see themselves as in control of their success. Emphasizing natural intelligence takes it out of the child’s control, and it provides no good recipe for responding to a failure.”In follow-up interviews, Dweck discovered that those who think that innate intelligence is the key to success begin to discount the importance of effort. I am smart, the kids’ reasoning goes; I don’t need to put out effort. Expending effort becomes stigmatized—it’s public proof that you can’t cut it on your natural gifts.Repeating her experiments, Dweck found this effect of praise on performance held true for students of every socioeconomic class. It hit both boys and girls—the very brightest girls especially (they collapsed the most following failure). Even preschoolers weren’t immune to the inverse power of praise.
Jill Abraham is a mother of three in Scarsdale, and her view is typical of those in my straw poll. I told her about Dweck’s research on praise, and she flatly wasn’t interested in brief tests without long-term follow-up. Abraham is one of the 85 percent who think praising her children’s intelligence is important. Her kids are thriving, so she’s proved that praise works in the real world. “I don’t care what the experts say,” Jill says defiantly. “I’m living it.”Even those who’ve accepted the new research on praise have trouble putting it into practice. Sue Needleman is both a mother of two and an elementary-school teacher with eleven years’ experience. Last year, she was a fourth-grade teacher at Ridge Ranch Elementary in Paramus, New Jersey. She has never heard of Carol Dweck, but the gist of Dweck’s research has trickled down to her school, and Needleman has learned to say, “I like how you keep trying.” She tries to keep her praise specific, rather than general, so that a child knows exactly what she did to earn the praise (and thus can get more). She will occasionally tell a child, “You’re good at math,” but she’ll never tell a child he’s bad at math.But that’s at school, as a teacher. At home, old habits die hard. Her 8-year-old daughter and her 5-year-old son are indeed smart, and sometimes she hears herself saying, “You’re great. You did it. You’re smart.” When I press her on this, Needleman says that what comes out of academia often feels artificial. “When I read the mock dialogues, my first thought is, Oh, please. How corny.”No such qualms exist for teachers at the Life Sciences Secondary School in East Harlem, because they’ve seen Dweck’s theories applied to their junior-high students. Last week, Dweck and her protégée, Lisa Blackwell, published a report in the academic journal Child Development about the effect of a semester-long intervention conducted to improve students’ math scores.Life Sciences is a health-science magnet school with high aspirations but 700 students whose main attributes are being predominantly minority and low achieving. Blackwell split her kids into two groups for an eight-session workshop. The control group was taught study skills, and the others got study skills and a special module on how intelligence is not innate. These students took turns reading aloud an essay on how the brain grows new neurons when challenged. They saw slides of the brain and acted out skits. “Even as I was teaching these ideas,” Blackwell noted, “I would hear the students joking, calling one another ‘dummy’ or ‘stupid.’ ” After the module was concluded, Blackwell tracked her students’ grades to see if it had any effect. It didn’t take long. The teachers—who hadn’t known which students had been assigned to which workshop—could pick out the students who had been taught that intelligence can be developed. They improved their study habits and grades. In a single semester, Blackwell reversed the students’ longtime trend of decreasing math grades.The only difference between the control group and the test group were two lessons, a total of 50 minutes spent teaching not math but a single idea: that the brain is a muscle. Giving it a harder workout makes you smarter. That alone improved their math scores.“These are very persuasive findings,” says Columbia’s Dr. Geraldine Downey, a specialist in children’s sensitivity to rejection. “They show how you can take a specific theory and develop a curriculum that works.” Downey’s comment is typical of what other scholars in the field are saying. Dr. Mahzarin Banaji, a Harvard social psychologist who is an expert in stereotyping, told me, “Carol Dweck is a flat-out genius. I hope the work is taken seriously. It scares people when they see these results.”
Since the 1969 publication of The Psychology of Self-Esteem, in which Nathaniel Branden opined that self-esteem was the single most important facet of a person, the belief that one must do whatever he can to achieve positive self-esteem has become a movement with broad societal effects. Anything potentially damaging to kids’ self-esteem was axed. Competitions were frowned upon. Soccer coaches stopped counting goals and handed out trophies to everyone. Teachers threw out their red pencils. Criticism was replaced with ubiquitous, even undeserved, praise.Dweck and Blackwell’s work is part of a larger academic challenge to one of the self-esteem movement’s key tenets: that praise, self-esteem, and performance rise and fall together. From 1970 to 2000, there were over 15,000 scholarly articles written on self-esteem and its relationship to everything—from sex to career advancement. But results were often contradictory or inconclusive. So in 2003 the Association for Psychological Science asked Dr. Roy Baumeister, then a leading proponent of self-esteem, to review this literature. His team concluded that self-esteem was polluted with flawed science. Only 200 of those 15,000 studies met their rigorous standards.After reviewing those 200 studies, Baumeister concluded that having high self-esteem didn’t improve grades or career achievement. It didn’t even reduce alcohol usage. And it especially did not lower violence of any sort. (Highly aggressive, violent people happen to think very highly of themselves, debunking the theory that people are aggressive to make up for low self-esteem.) At the time, Baumeister was quoted as saying that his findings were “the biggest disappointment of my career.”Now he’s on Dweck’s side of the argument, and his work is going in a similar direction: He will soon publish an article showing that for college students on the verge of failing in class, esteem-building praise causes their grades to sink further. Baumeister has come to believe the continued appeal of self-esteem is largely tied to parents’ pride in their children’s achievements: It’s so strong that “when they praise their kids, it’s not that far from praising themselves.”By and large, the literature on praise shows that it can be effective—a positive, motivating force. In one study, University of Notre Dame researchers tested praise’s efficacy on a losing college hockey team. The experiment worked: The team got into the playoffs. But all praise is not equal—and, as Dweck demonstrated, the effects of praise can vary significantly depending on the praise given. To be effective, researchers have found, praise needs to be specific. (The hockey players were specifically complimented on the number of times they checked an opponent.)Sincerity of praise is also crucial. Just as we can sniff out the true meaning of a backhanded compliment or a disingenuous apology, children, too, scrutinize praise for hidden agendas. Only young children—under the age of 7—take praise at face value: Older children are just as suspicious of it as adults.Psychologist Wulf-Uwe Meyer, a pioneer in the field, conducted a series of studies where children watched other students receive praise. According to Meyer’s findings, by the age of 12, children believe that earning praise from a teacher is not a sign you did well—it’s actually a sign you lack ability and the teacher thinks you need extra encouragement. And teens, Meyer found, discounted praise to such an extent that they believed it’s a teacher’s criticism—not praise at all—that really conveys a positive belief in a student’s aptitude.In the opinion of cognitive scientist Daniel T. Willingham, a teacher who praises a child may be unwittingly sending the message that the student reached the limit of his innate ability, while a teacher who criticizes a pupil conveys the message that he can improve his performance even further.New York University professor of psychiatry Judith Brook explains that the issue for parents is one of credibility. “Praise is important, but not vacuous praise,” she says. “It has to be based on a real thing—some skill or talent they have.” Once children hear praise they interpret as meritless, they discount not just the insincere praise, but sincere praise as well.Scholars from Reed College and Stanford reviewed over 150 praise studies. Their meta-analysis determined that praised students become risk-averse and lack perceived autonomy. The scholars found consistent correlations between a liberal use of praise and students’ “shorter task persistence, more eye-checking with the teacher, and inflected speech such that answers have the intonation of questions.”Dweck’s research on overpraised kids strongly suggests that image maintenance becomes their primary concern—they are more competitive and more interested in tearing others down. A raft of very alarming studies illustrate this.In one, students are given two puzzle tests. Between the first and the second, they are offered a choice between learning a new puzzle strategy for the second test or finding out how they did compared with other students on the first test: They have only enough time to do one or the other. Students praised for intelligence choose to find out their class rank, rather than use the time to prepare.In another, students get a do-it-yourself report card and are told these forms will be mailed to students at another school—they’ll never meet these students and don’t know their names. Of the kids praised for their intelligence, 40 percent lie, inflating their scores. Of the kids praised for effort, few lie.When students transition into junior high, some who’d done well in elementary school inevitably struggle in the larger and more demanding environment. Those who equated their earlier success with their innate ability surmise they’ve been dumb all along. Their grades never recover because the likely key to their recovery—increasing effort—they view as just further proof of their failure. In interviews many confess they would “seriously consider cheating.”Students turn to cheating because they haven’t developed a strategy for handling failure. The problem is compounded when a parent ignores a child’s failures and insists he’ll do better next time. Michigan scholar Jennifer Crocker studies this exact scenario and explains that the child may come to believe failure is something so terrible, the family can’t acknowledge its existence. A child deprived of the opportunity to discuss mistakes can’t learn from them.My son, Luke, is in kindergarten. He seems supersensitive to the potential judgment of his peers. Luke justifies it by saying, “I’m shy,” but he’s not really shy. He has no fear of strange cities or talking to strangers, and at his school, he has sung in front of large audiences. Rather, I’d say he’s proud and self-conscious. His school has simple uniforms (navy T-shirt, navy pants), and he loves that his choice of clothes can’t be ridiculed, “because then they’d be teasing themselves too.”After reading Carol Dweck’s research, I began to alter how I praised him, but not completely. I suppose my hesitation was that the mind-set Dweck wants students to have—a firm belief that the way to bounce back from failure is to work harder—sounds awfully clichéd: Try, try again.But it turns out that the ability to repeatedly respond to failure by exerting more effort—instead of simply giving up—is a trait well studied in psychology. People with this trait, persistence, rebound well and can sustain their motivation through long periods of delayed gratification. Delving into this research, I learned that persistence turns out to be more than a conscious act of will; it’s also an unconscious response, governed by a circuit in the brain. Dr. Robert Cloninger at Washington University in St. Louis located the circuit in a part of the brain called the orbital and medial prefrontal cortex. It monitors the reward center of the brain, and like a switch, it intervenes when there’s a lack of immediate reward. When it switches on, it’s telling the rest of the brain, “Don’t stop trying. There’s dopa [the brain’s chemical reward for success] on the horizon.” While putting people through MRI scans, Cloninger could see this switch lighting up regularly in some. In others, barely at all.What makes some people wired to have an active circuit?Cloninger has trained rats and mice in mazes to have persistence by carefully not rewarding them when they get to the finish. “The key is intermittent reinforcement,” says Cloninger. The brain has to learn that frustrating spells can be worked through. “A person who grows up getting too frequent rewards will not have persistence, because they’ll quit when the rewards disappear.”That sold me. I’d thought “praise junkie” was just an expression—but suddenly, it seemed as if I could be setting up my son’s brain for an actual chemical need for constant reward.What would it mean, to give up praising our children so often? Well, if I am one example, there are stages of withdrawal, each of them subtle. In the first stage, I fell off the wagon around other parents when they were busy praising their kids. I didn’t want Luke to feel left out. I felt like a former alcoholic who continues to drink socially. I became a Social Praiser.Then I tried to use the specific-type praise that Dweck recommends. I praised Luke, but I attempted to praise his “process.” This was easier said than done. What are the processes that go on in a 5-year-old’s mind? In my impression, 80 percent of his brain processes lengthy scenarios for his action figures.But every night he has math homework and is supposed to read a phonics book aloud. Each takes about five minutes if he concentrates, but he’s easily distracted. So I praised him for concentrating without asking to take a break. If he listened to instructions carefully, I praised him for that. After soccer games, I praised him for looking to pass, rather than just saying, “You played great.” And if he worked hard to get to the ball, I praised the effort he applied.Just as the research promised, this focused praise helped him see strategies he could apply the next day. It was remarkable how noticeably effective this new form of praise was.Truth be told, while my son was getting along fine under the new praise regime, it was I who was suffering. It turns out that I was the real praise junkie in the family. Praising him for just a particular skill or task felt like I left other parts of him ignored and unappreciated. I recognized that praising him with the universal “You’re great—I’m proud of you” was a way I expressed unconditional love.Offering praise has become a sort of panacea for the anxieties of modern parenting. Out of our children’s lives from breakfast to dinner, we turn it up a notch when we get home. In those few hours together, we want them to hear the things we can’t say during the day—We are in your corner, we are here for you, we believe in you.In a similar way, we put our children in high-pressure environments, seeking out the best schools we can find, then we use the constant praise to soften the intensity of those environments. We expect so much of them, but we hide our expectations behind constant glowing praise. The duplicity became glaring to me.Eventually, in my final stage of praise withdrawal, I realized that not telling my son he was smart meant I was leaving it up to him to make his own conclusion about his intelligence. Jumping in with praise is like jumping in too soon with the answer to a homework problem—it robs him of the chance to make the deduction himself.But what if he makes the wrong conclusion?Can I really leave this up to him, at his age?I’m still an anxious parent. This morning, I tested him on the way to school: “What happens to your brain, again, when it gets to think about something hard?”“It gets bigger, like a muscle,” he responded, having aced this one before.

Interesting conversation

2009-12-04T00:54:00.000+08:00

Here's an interesting dialogue we had with a seven-year-old boy we'll call Jeff.

"What would you think of a mailman who picks up trash on all the streets as he goes around the neighborhood?"

"That would be pretty good."

"But what if he didn't get the mail delivered?"

"He'd get fired!"

"That's right. Delivering the mail is his job."

"What would you think about the car mechanic who likes to talk to people and socialize but doesn't get the cars fixed?"

"He'd get in trouble."

"Yes, you're probably right because repairing cars is his job. You know, children have a job to do but sometimes they get distracted and do other things."

"What's a child's job?"

"According to Ephesians 6:1 a child's primary job is to learn to obey."

"Yeah, right."

"You don't seem too excited about that job."

"I'm not. My parents are always telling me what to do."

"Well that's their job. Let me help you understand why God gave you that job. Hidden within obedience are all kinds of principles that will make you successful when you get older. You will learn how to be a better student, employee, or boss by learning how to obey when you're young. You'll also learn to obey God, and that's very important."

"Oh yeah, how?"

"Well, some employees can't do a simple task without arguing about it. If they would have learned to obey when younger, they might not have such a problem following directions. Or, some students can't accept an assignment without complaining about it. If they had learned obedience when younger, they might be able to do a hard job without complaining.There's nothing wrong with evaluating instructions or helping parents with alternatives, but there's a lot of benefit to obeying just to learn obedience. God knew that and he hid many character qualities inside of obedience that will make you a successful person."

"That's interesting."

"The next time you're given an instruction, especially one you don't want to do, maybe you ought to think about obeying with a good attitude just because of what it will teach you."

The point of this conversation is that obedience has more benefits than many children realize and they have opportunities now to prepare themselves for a successful future.

1 Peter 3 bible study gleanings

2009-11-20T09:33:00.002+08:00

Last night's bible study, we read 1 Peter chapter 3. These are the highlight verses for me.. I think they are very practical and applicable to our society today. May the Lord help me also to be submissive to Him as wives submit to husband (representing also the church's submission to Christ). May I set apart Christ as Lord and see Him sovereign over every little thing I encounter.

May you be blessed as well.

Wives and Husbands

¹Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, ²when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. ³Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. ⁴Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. ⁵For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful. They were submissive to their own husbands, ⁶like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear.

⁷Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.

Suffering for Doing Good

⁸Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble. ⁹Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing.
¹³Who is going to harm you if you are eager to do good? ¹⁴But even if you should suffer for what is right, you are blessed. "Do not fear what they fear ¹⁵But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord.

Magnificent Obsession

2009-11-19T22:40:00.002+08:00

Lately, this song has kept playing in the automatic player in my head. As the chorus plays, I can't help but cry out to the Lord the lyrics so aptly the prayer of my heart.

*This song is called Magnificent Obsession by Steven Curtis Chapman, another one of my favorite Christian artists.

Lord, You know how much
I want to know so much
In the way of answers and explanations
I have cried and prayed
And still I seem to stay
In the middle of life’s complications
All this pursuing leaves me feeling like I’m chasing down the wind
But now it’s brought me back to You
And I can see again

This is everything I want
This is everything I need
I want this to be my one consuming passion
Everything my heart desires
Lord, I want it all to be for You, Jesus
Be my magnificent obsession

So capture my heart again
Take me to depths I’ve never been
Into the riches of Your grace and Your mercy
Return me to the cross
And let me be completely lost
In the wonder of the love
That You’ve shown me
Cut through these chains that tie me down to so many lesser things
Let all my dreams fall to the ground
Until this one remains

You are everything I want
You are everything I need
I want You to be my one consuming passion
Everything my heart desires
Lord, I want it all to be for You
I want it all to be for You

You are everything I want
And You are everything I need
Lord, You are all my heart desires
You are everything to me

Halloween Party 2009

2009-11-04T03:04:00.005+08:00

We held our Halloween at Therakids today, November 3, 2009 because it was postponed from last Saturday (Oct.31) due to the typhoon. It was not that grand, the preparations were almost last minute, and yet it was tons of fun nonetheless. :)

Decors were recycled from last year. Displayed on the tables

are the kids' artworks and the prizes given away.

The kids go for trick or treating. :)

Face painting done by their parents and caregivers.

Dough designing contest.

Can you guess which one is the winning piece? :p

Best in costume

The kids, parents/caregivers, and the teachers and staffs. :)

There were even prizes for best in costume for both the kids and teachers. There was also the most active kid award. Best in artwork (Macaroni Skeleton Man) was also awarded. All in all, it was a great halloween party and the kids had fun!

Hello world!

2009-10-31T15:38:00.002+08:00

It's been 2 days since I deleted all my accounts at social networking sites. People have been asking me why and if it was difficult. So far, I've been mum about the real reason. Here's what the Lord told me Wednesday evening (and I recorded it on my phone in case I forget):

I am clear of this: the Lord wants me to focus on Him and serving my sisters. I cannot do that while there are still distractions present. Although I may say I am not moved by them, but the threat is still there. We are told to flee from temptations, to not even let Satan obtain a foothold. Therefore I am clear of this: God wants me to delete my fb, multiply, hi5, and friendster accts. Yes, even twitter.. no bargaining.. If I am to serve God, then let me do so wholeheartedly and pour out my time on this endeavor. The Lord who calls me is faithful. If I would lose contact to my friends and the bonds which I hold dear because of this, then so be it. If I were to lose everything for Christ's sake, no one is more worthy. "That is why I consider everything a loss.." as Paul so aptly put it.

I believe the Lord has different plans and requires differently of each of us. But as for me, this is what the Lord wants and I will stand by it. Praise the Lord, He gives me enough strength and grace to obey. I want to live my life for Him, and to please Him in everything I do. He is worthy, who died for me so I may live.

Jesus loves you all and God bless you!

A month in the life of Joy

2009-10-29T01:26:00.002+08:00

So what's been happening in my life lately?

I'll let the pictures tell the story...

Went to this newly-discovered place called Nomnomnom, which is an artsy, fun restaurant for those who want to try foods that are not your typical food. Sayang, have no picture of the Malinomnom which people are raving about. We tried it though, and it's perfect for my tastebuds. It's not your typical pizza bar, that's for sure! :D Yum! Am definitely gonna go back there one of these days for another serving of their Malinomnom, or to try other foods they offer.

Above are pictures of the pasta that we ordered. They were tasty and have really big servings!

We took our patients for a walk to the mall. Our goal was for proper observation of traffic signs, road/street signs, and even signs inside the mall, norms when going out and socialization skills in asking other people about directions to different places inside the mall. This was a fun experience, and one in which I really felt satisfaction as an OT! :)

Went to visit my friend, Stephanie. Turns out she is currently taking care of her aunt's 2-month old baby, so adorable! :)
New shoes that I bought. Love 'em! I actually had a hard time choosing the design because there are so many to choose from. It's light on the feet and can fit any outfit. I love loafers, especially stylish and colorful ones. So practical, yet so fashionable!

Something Worthwhile

2009-10-10T12:55:00.004+08:00

Yesterday, I was once again reassured that what I was doing was right, that I was on the right path, that I was doing something worthwhile.

The Special Education teacher of my patient at his SpEd school noticed that he was different, that he was now more behaved, that his behavior improved. The nanny of my patient told her it was because he's now receiving occupational therapy.

Because of this small news I heard, I was surprised to feel a sense of accomplishment. It is rare in the pediatric setting that we hear of improvements, or if we do, it is over a period of years that subtle improvements are seen. But to hear that my patient improved noticeably after only about 2 weeks of therapy, that was really something! I was overjoyed! :)

Praise God, it's all You!

New Direction

2009-09-07T01:13:00.004+08:00

So much has happened in such a short span of time.. Imagine, in 2 weeks I got my license, a really mean sunburn, saw 2 friends off to the United States and bonded with some old friends in a totally new way. :) I'm also starting to get over my dissatisfactions in life and learn to be content, to love the things I do have. Really, everything is GRACE.

One very important turning point and thing that happened over the days is that I obtained direction in life. I now know the immediate decision/choice I must make and take. Like the title of a book by Stormie Omartian so aptly named--just enough light for the step I'm on.

There are just some things I'm deeply contemplating recently. But as for me, it's enough to know that my Redeemer lives. He is in control of everything and He holds my world in the palm of His hand. I can rest assured, for I know whom I have believed and He is able to keep that which I've committed until that day. Because He lives, I can face tomorrow boldly and without apprehension.

Simply put, MY GOD IS FAITHFUL. HE IS THE SAME YESTERDAY, TODAY AND FOREVER. AS HE HAS LED ME BEFORE, HE WILL CONTINUE TO DO SO ALL THE DAYS OF MY LIFE. WITH HIM BESIDE ME, BEFORE ME, BEHIND ME, I HAVE NOTHING TO FEAR WHATSOEVER.

Below: the pictures from the Occupational Therapy-Physical Therapy Oath Taking Ceremony @ Manila Hotel (9-6-09; 1-5pm)

with my girl friends! :D

with the guys!

look at the cool color combo green-black alternate :)

(it was not planned) ;p

the green girls!

standing @ the lobby of Manila Hotel

Lord, thank You. Your grace is still amazing!

2009-08-19T23:47:00.003+08:00

Dear reader,

Yes, YOU.

If you are living on this world, then you're probably like most people I know.

Skeptics, cynics, jaded by life on earth.

You probably think that if something's too good to be true, then it most likely is.

And if you've lived long enough, then you're probably part of the millions who experience the pain of living each day, or even of just surviving, barely.

You ask yourself, is this all there is to life?

Am I supposed to just go through each day as if being tortured, from birth to death, and then, nothingness?

You say to yourself, "I AM SO TIRED. I JUST WANNA GET THIS OVER AND DONE WITH."

Like others, you might have, at some point in your life, contemplated death.. of what it would be like to die and leave all these behind--the pain, the neglect, the past...everything.

SOUNDS FAMILIAR?

It is unfortunately the life story of most of us. Why do you think so?

There seems to be something lacking from life that you can't quite pinpoint what.

Some may have strived and strived to reach that something you think will finally make you happy, but when you obtain it, it seems devoid of all joy.

True, you may feel happy, proud, and maybe even accomplished;

but at the end of the day, you crawl under the covers and no matter how much you deny it, you can't fool yourself--no amount of fame, wealth, power, honor, or even all of it combined will be able to take away the emptiness you feel.

It may mask it for a while, yes, but after the masquerade, there lies the undeniable fact staring you back at the face.

==============================================================

You may think, what gives me the right, in my 21 years of living on earth, to write about these?

Simply this, tonight I met a person who once again reminded me what has been staring me in the face and in this day and time is so commonplace to us all--skepticism, unbelief, doubt, faithlessness.. call it whatever you want, it's still the same.

This person said that she can't believe all that stuff about God being loving and that He cares for each one of us when all she sees in the world, the news, and everything around her says otherwise. She thought God is up there in heaven, we are down here. What's the connection? True, He created us, but we are like playthings for Him. We are none the more valuable than, say, the next accident of creation. She said she can't believe in the Bible, which is a mere book written by men, not any more believable than the fiction next to it on the shelf.

I simply couldn't help it, I shook my head. Her view of God is so skewed, so wrong. How can she let all these affect her view of God's character? The Lord is so full of love for the world that He would willingly send His only Son to die for us (John 3:16). He couldn't bear it that because of men's sins, we are separated from Him and now live this miserable life without any assurance of hope for the future, heck, without any future at all. How can anyone's heart not melt at the grace that was given us? The suffering that was supposed to be ours because of our sins have been placed upon Him, which was why He bled drop after drop of blood. Because of this, my sins have been forgiven and from the moment I accepted Him into my life, I am saved.

Saved by grace. That's what I love to call myself. I now have full assurance of heaven when I die, and even more so, of never being alone in the walk of life as long as I live. God's love leaves me speechless.

I used to be on the same path, bent on destruction, but God's love made a way for me to be whole. I used to be on the same road, chasing after the wind, running and running mirage after mirage in the desert; believing on the lie that if I do this and do that, and if I gain this and gain that, I will be satisfied. His love found me and pursued me when I was still running away, it was unconditional. He didn't wait for me to be a better person, He accepted me JUST AS I AM and loved me when I was still a sinner (Romans 5:8).

Now, I can't say I'm perfect but I want to be changed daily into His image, I want to be able to manifest Him more in my life, and to be able to glorify Him by how I live. I'm not surprised, and you shouldn't be if after you've turned to Him and accepted Him to be your Lord and Savior, your way seems brighter and your burdens seem lighter. Know this, He is carrying you.

~~~~Cast all your cares/anxieties upon Him, for He cares for you.~~~~

I think this has been long enough, if you've managed to keep awake and to read up until this point, then I commend you. It was such a joy to write this, and I wrote with tears streaming down my eyes and with a fervent prayer that this entry move you to run back into the everlasting arms of Your Father. He is waiting for YOU.

Don't Quit

2009-08-18T13:01:00.002+08:00

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,

When the road you’re trudging seems all uphill,

When the funds are low and the debts are high,

And when you want to smile, but you have to sigh,

When care is pressing you down a bit-

Rest if you must, but don’t you quit.

Life is queer with its twist and turns,

As everyone of us sometimes learns,

And many a failure turns about

When we might have won, had we stuck it out.

Don’t give up, though the pace seems slow-

You may succeed with another blow.

Often the goal is nearer than

It seems to a faint and faltering man,

Often the struggler has given up

When he might have captured the victor’s cup.

And he learned too late, when the night came down,

How close he was to the golden crown.

Success is failure turned inside out

The silver tint of the clouds of doubt

And you never can tell how close you are,

It may be near when it seems afar;

So stick to the fight when you’re hardest hit

It’s when things seem worst that you mustn’t quit.

*someone emailed this to me, and I think it is fitting to keep in mind especially while running the race of life

Letters of Ninoy Aquino to his son Noynoy and daughter Ballsy

2009-08-16T20:09:00.005+08:00

Warning: prepare ur hanky...
================

August 25, 1973
Fort Bonifacio
11:30pm

Mr. Benigno S. Aquino III
P E R S O N A L

My dearest Son:

One of these days , when you have completed your studies I am sure you will have the opportunity to visit many countries. And in your travels you will witness a bullfight.In Spanish bullfighting as you know, a man – the matador – is pitted against an angry bull.

The man goads the bull to extreme anger and madness. Then a moment comes when the bull, maddened, bleeding and covered with darts, feeling his last moment has come, stops rushing about and grimly turns his face on the man with the scarlet "muleta" and sword. The Spaniards call this "the moment of truth." This is the climax of the bullfight.

This afternoon, I have arrived at my own moment of truth. After a lengthy conference with my lawyers, Senators Jovito R. Salonga and Lorenzo M. Tanada I made a very crucial and vital decision that will surely affect all our lives: mommie's, your sisters', yours and all our loved ones as well as mine.I have decided not to participate in the proceedings of the Military Commission assigned to try the charges filed against me by the army prosecution staff. As you know, I've been charged with illegal possession of firearms, violation of RA 1700 otherwise known as the "Anti-Subversion Act" and murder.

You are still too young to grasp the full impact of my decision. Briefly: by not participating in the proceedings, I will not be represented by counsel, the prosecution will present its witnesses without any cross examinations, I will not put up any defense, I will remain passive and quiet through the entire trial and I will merely await the verdict. Inasmuch as it will be a completely one-sided affair, I suppose it is reasonable to expect the maximum penalty will be given to me. I expect to be sentenced to imprisonment the rest of my natural life, or possibly be sent to stand before a firing squad. By adopting the course of action I decided upon this afternoon, I have literally decided to walk into the very jaws of death.You may ask: why did you do it?

Son, my decision is an act of conscience. It is an act of protest against the structures of injustice that have been imposed upon our hapless countrymen. Futile and puny, as it will surely appear to many, it is my last act of defiance against tyranny and dictatorship.

You are my only son. You carry my name and the name of my father. I have no material wealth to leave you. I never had time to make money while I was in the hire of our people.For this I am very sorry. I had hopes of building a little nest egg for you. I bought a ranch in Masbate in the hope that after ten or fifteen years, the coconut trees I planted there would be yielding enough to assure you a modest but comfortable existence.

Unfortunately, I had to sell all our properties as I fought battle after political battle as a beleaguered member of the opposition. And after the last battle, I had more obligations than assets.

The only valuable asset I can bequeath to you now is the name you carry. I have tried my best during my years of public service to keep that name untarnished and respected, unmarked by sorry compromises for expediency. I now pass it on to you, as good, I pray, as when my father, your grandfather passed it on to me.

I prepared a statement which I intend to read before the military commission on Monday at the opening of my trial. I hope the commission members will be understanding and kind enough to allow me to read my statement into the record. This may well be my first and only participation in the entire proceedings.

In this statement, I said: Some people suggested that I beg for mercy from the present powers that be. Son, this I cannot do in conscience. I would rather die on my feet with honor, than live on bended knees in shame.

Your great grandfather, Gen. Servilliano Aquino was twice condemned to death by both the Spaniards and the American colonizers. Fortunately, he survived both by a twist of fate.Your grandfather, my father was also imprisoned by the Americans because he loved his people more than the Americans who colonized us. He was finally vindicated. Our ancestors have shared the pains, the sorrows and the anguish of Mother Filipinas when she was in bondage.

It is a rare privilege for me to join the Motherland in the dark dungeon where she was led back by one of her own sons whom she lavished with love and glory.

I ended my statement thus: I have chosen to follow my conscience and accept the tyrant's revenge.

It takes little effort to stop a tyrant. I have no doubt in the ultimate victory of right over wrong, of evil over good, in the awakening of the Filipino.

Forgive me for passing unto your young shoulders the great responsibility for our family. I trust you will love your mother and your sisters and lavish them with the care and protection I would have given them.

I was barely fifteen years old when my father died. His death was my most traumatic experience. I loved and hero-worshipped him so much, I wanted to join him in his grave when he passed away. But as in all sorrows, eventually they are washed away by the rains of time.

In the coming years, I hope you will study very hard so that you will have a solid foundation on which to build your future. I may no longer be around to give you my fatherly advice. I have asked many of your uncles to help you along should the need arise and I pray you will have the humility to drink from their fountain of experiences.

Look after your two younger sisters with understanding and affection. Viel and Krissy will need your umbrella of protection for a long time. Krissy is still very young and fate has been most unkind to both of us. Our parting came too soon. Please make up for me. Take care of her as I would have taken care of her with patience and warm affection.

Finally, stand by your mother as she stood beside me through the buffeting winds of crisis and uncertainties firm and resolute and uncowed. I pray to God, you inherit her indomitable spirit and her rare brand of silent courage.

I had hopes of introducing you to my friends, showing you the world and guide you through the maze of survival. I am afraid, you will now have to go it alone without your guide.

The only advice I can give you: Live with honor and follow your conscience.

There is no greater nation on earth than our Motherland. No greater people than our own. Serve them with all your heart, with all your might and with all your strength.

Son, the ball is now in your hands.

Lovingly,
Dad

=============
NINOY'S LETTER TO DAUGHTER BALLSY (1973)

August 18, 1973
FortBonifacio
Makati, Rizal

Ms. Maria Elena C. Aquino
25 Times St. Quezon City

My dearest Ballsy,

I write you this letter with tears in my eyes and as if steel fingers are crushing my heart because I wanted so much to be with you as you celebrate your legal emancipation. Now that you have come of age, my love, a voice tells me that I am no longer young and suddenly, I feel old.

An old poet gave this advice very long ago “when you are sad, remember the roses will bloom in December.” I want to send you bouquet of roses, big red roses from my dreamland garden. Unfortunately for the present, my roses are not in bloom, in fact they have dropped all their petals and only the thorns are left to keep me company. I do think it is fitting to send you a thicket of thorns on this memorable day!

I am very proud of you because you have inherited all the best traits of your mother. You are sensible, responsible, even-tempered and sincere with the least pretenses and affection which vehemently detest in a woman. I am sure like your mother, you will possess that rare brand of silent courage and that combination of fidelity and fortitude that will be the life vest of your man in the tragic moments of his life.

During my lonely hours of solitary confinement in FortMagsaysay, Laur, Nueva Ecija last March and April with nothing else to do but pray and daydream, with only my fond memories to keep me company, I planned a weekend barrio fiesta for you in Tarlac for your 18th birthday. I fooled myself into believing that my ordeal would end with the fiscal year. I planned to invite all your classmates and friends and their families for the weekends.

The schedule called for an early departure by bus from Manila and the first stop will be Concepcion , where lunch will be served by the pool. And after lunch, you were to visit the SantaRitaElementary School to distribute cookies and ice cream to the children of that public school where you were first enrolled.

I guess sheer nostalgia prompted me to include Santa Rita. We were only three then: Mommie, you and I. Those were the days of happy memories little responsibilities, tremendous freedom, a great future ahead and capped by a fulfillment of love.. You are the first fruit of our union, the first proof of our love and the first seal of our affections.

From Concepcion we were to proceed to Luisita for the barrio fiesta. I intended to invite a friend who could roast an entire cow succulently. Swimming, pelota, dancing and eating would have been the order of the day.

Sunday morning was reserved for a trip around the Hacienda and the mill and maybe golf for some of the parents and later a picnic-lunch on Uncle Tony’s Island . Return to Manila after lunch. I am afraid this will have to remain as one of the many dreams I had in Laur.

Our future has suddenly become uncertain and our fate unknown. I am even now beginning to doubt whether I’ll ever be able to return to you and the family. Hence, I would like to ask you these special favors.

Love your mother, whose love for you, you will never be able to match. She is not the greatest mother in the world, she is your sincerest friend.

Take care of your younger sisters and brother and lavish them with the love and care I would like to continue giving them but am unable to do so.

Help Noy-noy along and pray hard that he will grow to be a real, responsible man who in later years will protect you all.

You are the model for your three younger sisters. Your responsibility is therefore great. Please endeavor to live up to our highest expectations. Be more tolerant to Pinky, more accessible to Viel, our little genius-princess, and more charitable to Krissy, our baby doll, and make up for my neglect.

Finally, forgive me, my love, for not having been an ideal, good and thoughtful father to you all as I pursued public office. I had hopes and high resolve of making up, but I am afraid my destiny will not oblige.

I seal this letter with a drop of tear and a prayer in my heart, that somehow, somewhere we shall meet again and I will finally be able to make up for all my lapses, in the kingdom where justice reigns supreme and love is eternal.

I love you,
Dad

Officially OTRP!

2009-08-11T14:16:00.003+08:00

I passed the Occupational therapy board exams last july 25-26, 2009. Results came out July 29, 2009 at about 8pm. When I saw my name there, I was ecstatic! All glory be to God!!! The next day, I had a job. It was so surreal. It's all You, Lord, it's all You. September 6, 2009 is our oathtaking at Manila Hotel. By that time, I'll be officially a licensed Occupational Therapist, Registered or Joy Ann Yu, OTRP. From start to end, it was the Lord who guided me thus far, and I have no doubt He'll continue to guide me all my life. Thank You, Lord, for Your faithfulness. You never give up on me.

Disability Rants: Disability Dos and Don'ts

2009-06-24T10:53:00.000+08:00

Disability Rants: Disability Dos and Don'ts

Occupational Therapist’s Prayer

2009-06-22T17:34:00.003+08:00

Dear Heavenly Father,

Thank you for the gift of my profession.

Thank you for my education and training.

Thank you for the daily strength to address the challenges of disability and despair.

Thank you for the joy I feel in watching my clients progress toward independence.

Thank You for being my Advisor when I creatively solve a problem.

Thank You for the gift of Your Son Jesus Christ and my salvation.

Grant me the wisdom to understand my clients and fellow workers.

Grant me the patience to wait for Your healing of the whole person.

Grant me the opportunity to witness my love for You Through my lifestyle and my daily work.

Grant me the fellowship of other therapists that know and love You.

Grant me the humility to work as a team player with other professionals for the good of those we serve.

Grant me the peace that comes through knowing You during these turbulent times of change. Cover me in the precious protective blood of Jesus on a daily basis.

In Christ Jesus I pray.

Amen.

*as taken from www.otforchrist.org

You never give up on me

2009-05-23T14:57:00.006+08:00

We watched the movie "Facing the Giants" again last Thursday night. If I'm not mistaken, this is already my 2nd or 3rd time watching it. A song caught my attention though, with the words "You never give up on me". I was touched by this song because I've personally experienced the reality of God never giving up on me. Here are the lyrics, hope you'll be blessed.

Never Give Up (Josh Bates)

Time after time you’ve been left behind
like the sun when it’s starting to rain
Time after time you’ve been forgotten
like a picture that’s faded with age
Time after time you ran after me
when I was still running away

Chorus:
You never give up on me
No, You never give up on me
Though I’m weak you are strong
You told me I still belong
No, you never, never give up on me

Time after time I’ve used your grace
as a way to do what I please
I’ve taken for granted prayers that you answered
never been all I could be
You are holding out your hands
and now I clearly see

Chorus

You always erase all my mistakes
You lift me up when I'm down
Through all the ages, Your love never changes
You welcome me just as I am

Chorus

never give up, never give up on me...

To watch the music video with lyrics, click on the link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9DlrpTUENSI&feature=related

While I'm Waiting (Fireproof)

2009-05-14T10:52:00.005+08:00

This is my current favorite song ever since end of April when I first watched the Christian movie Fireproof. *the aqua-colored highlighted parts are the ones which touched me most and they became my prayer before the Lord*

While I'm Waiting
John Waller
The Blessing

I’m waiting
I’m waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I’m waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait

I will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience

While I’m waiting
I will serve You
While I’m waiting
I will worship
While I’m waiting
I will not faint
I’ll be running the race
Even while I wait

I’m waiting
I’m waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I’m waiting on You, Lord
Though it’s not easy, no
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait

And I will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience

While I’m waiting
I will serve You
While I’m waiting
I will worship
While I’m waiting
I will not faint
I’ll be running the race
Even while I wait

I will move ahead, bold and confident
I'll be taking every step in obedience, yea

While I’m waiting
I will serve You
While I’m waiting
I will worship
While I’m waiting
I will not faint

I will serve You while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting
I will serve You while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting
I will serve You while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting
I will serve You while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting on You, Lord

To see the music video, go to: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u3b2jw1rjBc

"Just Love Me"

2008-12-27T11:37:00.005+08:00

This Tagaytay conference is truly different, as mentioned by achi jojo yesterday.. My heart was once again touched by the Lord. The entire conference, His word for me was just to love Him.

Though I had many reasons not to.. I was tired, busy.. I had to start thinking about my future and take action for a better life ahead.. I had so many things to think about.. I had no time.. and most of all, I know I have to offer and give up so much..

But then, I realized I had more reasons than not to give Him my heart and to love Him with all that I am.. Why did He wear a crown of thorns? Why were His hands pierced? Why did He bleed? Why was He whipped and beaten? Why was He spit on? Why was He hung on the cross and left to die? For all of these, there is only one answer: FOR ME.

Only one question then remains: "How can I not love Him back?"

A songleader during the conference said, "What is the reality of loving the Lord? It is to love Him with all our heart, mind, and strength. This is the greatest commandment. Not just our best, but with our all."

I was especially apprehended by this because I always have this notion that I will love the Lord when I am a better Christian, when I can say that I've given up something for Him, when I am somehow able to live for Him, when I can give Him my best. Now, I don't really know when that time will come. But I now understand that He wants me to love Him not just when I'm at my best and when I'm strong, rather even along with all my weaknesses and failures.

Now, I can sing this song to Him, my Beloved...

"As long as I have breath, I'll find a way to say that I love You. Everything may change and the world may pass away, I'll still love You..."

Free Handbags from Handbag Planet!!! HURRY!

2008-10-05T01:53:00.000+08:00

Handbag Planet is almost here. To celebrate the October 15, 2008 launch, we are giving away a free handbag every hour for 24 hours on the day of the launch. Our high fashion, trendy handbags are inspired by popular designer brands and priced between $30 and $80.

click here to sign up and choose your free handbag--http://www.handbagplanet.com/

AFPMC-V.Luna rotation '08

2008-09-15T17:20:00.000+08:00

August 18- September 12, 2008 My rotation at V. Luna was by far the most eventful for such a short period of time. It was a wonderful experience--the people were great and it was a healthy working environment. I was so blessed to be able to rotate there at that time, and eventhough I wish we were there for a longer period of time, I'm really thankful I was able to even rotate there. The people I were with: sharmaine, george, ate bianx, and sir macky were the best people to share meals, laughter, and stories with. I think we all really clicked and became close in a short period of less than 4 weeks.

:Sigh: Leaving people and places behind is always sad, there's no question about that. But I believe, we still have the choice if those we left behind physically will still continue to be in our lives long after we part ways. Right now, however, I'm making a choice that the people I parted ways with physically will never lose the place they had in my heart. I will forever cherish the V.Luna experience and all the little things that made it memorable.

For all the foods, laughters, stories, music, fun, knowledge, and friendship---V.Luna and the people involved will continue to hold a very special place in my heart. Thanks to you all!

P.S. Special mention to kuya jv, ate ja and kuya rhandz who visited during our stay there, thanks for sharing in the fun! ",)

Melancholic last night at PCMC

2008-07-19T02:27:00.003+08:00

@ 6:00-8:30pm July 18, 2008- Debriefieng, parting words, packing our bags, packing up the toys, last aftercare of the speech room, loft area, staff room, splint area, computer room, walking in circles around PCMC Rehab. Med. Division, sitting on chairs, eating, talking, laughing, taking pictures, blowing on my pen, trying on the seesaw, stationary bike and other equipments around the center, last minute learning on how to make POP splints, watching the PT interns practice their dance moves, kissing Ate Yves goodbye and shaking hands with Kuya Chi, peer evaluations, seeing our grades, etc. etc.

These include our last moments at PCMC, it was a sad farewell after 2 months of fun and laughter we didn't notice had already passed us by. As we packed our bags and readied ourselves to go home, it was like literally "packing our bags" from a home we had grown to love. It was a shame we didn't have a complete group picture with all the OT staffs at PCMC, even Aaron whose birthday it was, wasn't able to join this picture posted above. Nonetheless, all the memories of laughter and tears at PCMC will surely never be forgotten. The OT area, with all it's potentials for interior decorators like us, was made lively by all our quirks and crafts. It was really an experience I would forever cherish. Thanks to Sir Mark, Ma'am Choche, Ma'am Meg, Sir Julius (who's already out of the country), Ma'am Bianca, Sir Borge, and Ma'am Joan. You've all made our stay memorable!

toxic...not!

2008-06-18T21:42:00.000+08:00

In terms of my patient ratio, I don't like the way things are going right now. I haven't met five of my patients due to their absences. As a result, there are days when I lounge around the center playing with the patients of my colleagues (naks!). On the bright side, I'm always available whenever my CS buddy Sir Mark (the chief OT..yipes!) calls me for feedback, lecture or to assist in treating his patient. Whenever those happen, I almost always feel a sense of anticipation and nervousness as well. Sir Mark is nice, there's no question about it; but when it comes to the questions he throws at you and if you can't wring your mind for an answer or at least be confident in pretending you know exactly what you're talking about, then that's where the problems lie. He will really wait for your answer, and the silence accompanying it is really uncomfortable. The end point is, you will really learn a lot from him, and that's what matters. I'll admit that when I first found out he was to be my CS buddy, I was full of complaints. I kept on saying how unfair it was that the others got the nice, approachable and unintimidating ones. I realize now how thankful I am that he became my buddy bec. I never could have learned this much in one rotation if it weren't for him cramming up my head with all these infos. and giving me this much chance to maximize my potential/experience.

Today, he even let me handle his patient "shobe". He showed me how to do NDTs on her and let me practice what I learned during our lecture. It was really an experience like no other! At first, I really felt much trepidation since the patient was very fragile and you really have to balance the force you give to stretch the limb while not overforcing it lest you cause a fracture. By the end of the session however, I felt quite at ease doing the PROMs and stretching. It was really wow! Now, I knew why I felt drained every time we had a lecture or feedback. It was bec. I learned so much and I'm trying to cram all of it in my head. At the same time, I also feel happy every after our lectures and feedbacks bec. again, I learned a lot and I'm excited to try it out with my patients. By definition, this is true learning. Learning with application. Oh well, I still got until july 18. I just hope my patients (esp. N.M.) show up by then. So you see, despite the reputation of this center for being really toxic when it comes to patient distribution, the only toxicity for me are my documentations and the unspoken pressure from my CS buddy to be really good.

Life As I See It

2008-06-08T23:44:00.003+08:00

June--my 3rd placement is currently at Philippine Children's Medical Center. Last month was at Learning Partners School Inc. Being busy in my current rotation is something different, it would sure take some getting used to. Honestly, being around kids is a fun setting (pediatric), but as I've written in my previous post, I feel this is just not me. I mean, I can still feel the pull of adult physical dysfunction or the psychiatric setting. It's not that I don't like kids, don't get me wrong, but it's just the idea of treating them.. I feel like I don't have that much frustration tolerance to handle it. Oh well, the choice is Yours...it's Yours, God, whichever way You lead me. You know what's best for me. That's the message at church this morning. Bro. Erwin said that if we just leave the choice to God, we'll never regret it, because God will never give us what's second best but only what He deems best for us. Thank You, Lord. Complete abandon. :a deep sigh of relief: Your grace still amazes me. haha that's the song that's been playing in my mind these couple of weeks ever since I came across it last May. It brought tears to my eyes whenever I sang it to the Lord. The song just overwhelms me with the grace of God. Fitting too, since this June is the start of our church's gospel meetings, and I need to be overwhelmed by the love of God in order to share Him with others. I've started praying and inviting my friends from high school to church. Sadly, though, almost all of them either have lots of things to finish, no time, or just plain didn't bother waking up. This isn't the first time I felt so hopeless, sorrowful, grieved, and dejected. This is how it feels like everytime I invite someone and I'm bursting with expectations of that person coming, but then, they don't.. I'm not so sure if this feeling of dejection is because I felt sorry for that person not being able to come and not being saved or just plain out of self-pity that I was rejected once more. I don't know why it's so hard for people to come to church and so easy to go someplace else given the choice. Yet through all these, I rejoice greatly, because God's work isn't over. It's just starting. And I know from experience, that God makes all things beautiful in His time. He is faithful. AND He surely answers prayers, ESPECIALLY if our prayers are in line with His will. So right now, let me say this in advance, thank You Lord for the work You are currently doing and is still completing until these people come to the knowledge of You and accept You as their Lord and Saviour. Show them what we, Your children, have seen. How amazing and wonderful and unfathomable Your love and Your grace is! That is all it takes. Open their eyes. Praise You, Lord, for Your work.

VERSE 1
"My faithful Father; enduring Friend
Your tender mercy's like a river with no end
It overwhelms me, covers my sin
Each time I come into Your presence
I stand in wonder once again"
CHORUS:
"Your grace still amazes me
Your love is still a mystery
Each day I fall on my knees
Your grace still amazes me"
VERSE 2
"Oh, patient Savior, You make me whole
You are the Author and the Healer of my soul
What can I give You, Lord, what can I say
I know there's no way to repay You
Only to offer you my praise"
CHORUS
BRIDGE
"It's deeper, it's wider
It's stronger, it's higher
It's deeper, it's wider
It's stronger, it's higher
Than anything my eyes can see"
CHORUS

Internship year

2008-04-21T22:35:00.002+08:00

April--the start of my year as an intern. Who would've thought that the experience would be like this? Everyday you trudge the road, hoping against hope that you'll be one step closer to that much coveted gold--graduation. And this, speaking from my experience of less than a month! How much more when I've covered the road halfway?! I wonder what I'll have to say by then.. Still, it seems a long way off from 2009--the year I graduate. I hope by then I've gained enough knowledge and skills to last me throughout my career as an occupational therapist, if God wills.

Having said that, let me describe briefly what I do during my rotation at the University of Santo Tomas Hospital-Community Center. In the morning, we go to the CC bringing our bags and file folders full of the day's activity needs. All the activities' expenses come from our own pockets so we really have to be creative and resourceful in this, not only in thinking about the activity itself but also in terms of the materials we could use. Since it's my last week here (thank God), I'm almost out of ideas for activities. Mind you, there should be 3 proposals each week for every activity in crafts, cooking, communication skills and recreation. We have group activities from 9:30am-11:30am for the patients. After the activity, we go to the OT room all sweaty and drained, just as if we'd run a hundred mile marathon. In the afternoon, we go back again to administer our individual treatment sessions. Thankfully, my patient G.P. was very cooperative and is a good-natured boy. Treatment with him feels rewarding, making all my hardwork worthwhile.

The CC experience, as I call it, is a tiring yet rewarding one. There are times when we would just sit down and enjoy laughs and chats with the patients. There are those times when you feel you've really made a difference, especially if your patient was discharged during your rotation like mine was. Even more so, was the fact that he was also admitted not long after I started my rotation there. Therefore, I felt the satisfaction of having a part in his recovery even more. Before the end of our second week, Sheena and I were seriously considering working in a psychiatric setting after graduation. I'm still not sure where God will lead me after grad, but we'll see.. =)

People Need the Lord

2008-04-04T22:49:00.001+08:00

Everyday they pass me by,
I can see it in their eyes.
Empty people filled with care,
Headed who knows where?

On they go through private pain,
Living fear to fear.
Laughter hides their silent cries,
Only Jesus hears.

People need the Lord, people need the Lord.
At the end of broken dreams, He's the open door.
People need the Lord, people need the Lord.
When will we realize, people need the Lord?

We are called to take His light
To a world where wrong seems right.
What could be too great a cost
For sharing Life with one who's lost?
Through His love our hearts can feel
All the grief they bear.
They must hear the Words of Life
Only we can share.

People need the Lord, people need the Lord
At the end of broken dreams, He's the open door.
People need the Lord, people need the Lord.
When will we realize that we must give our lives,
For people need the Lord.
People need the Lord.

AFP- V.Luna Medical Center Practicum

2008-02-08T01:20:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was the end of my 2-day practicum at V. Luna Medical Center. All in all, it was really a learning experience because only then was I able to experience really being outside the confines of my comfort zone and not just like being in UST-CC or UST Pay or MOC or even Sapang Palay where almost the whole class goes together. In this practicum, we were literally left to our own resources. On Monday, Sir Joel met us only to tell us our schedules and what center we'll be assigned, told us to be there before 8am, and that was it--our orientation. Our group, excluding noie, met up in front of the Espana gate very early (at least for me) the next morning. We took a Project 2,3 jeep to Kalayaan and that was it. (Thanks to Aaron for bringing his map book of Manila hehe :p) Thank God for letting us find a jeep that quickly when chances of finding a jeep like that there was 1 out of 10! Nineteen bucks and less than an hour later, we arrived at the front gate of AFP-V.Luna gawking like kids at the military hospital of the Phils. We didn't know who to look for or where the occupational therapy department was, so we said to the soldier guarding the entrance "sa OT department po", what he replied to us left us dumbfounded. He said, "alam nyo kung san yun?" Who's asking who?! Haha Anyway, we said nevermind, we'll go find it. As we turned to go in, guess who we met? Sir Macky, the speaker for our career seminar just a few weeks ago was going in, and he turned out to be the Clinical Supervisor for that center. God is so amazing talaga! We followed him inside and quickly discovered that the OT department there is such a nice, cozy place filled with wonderful, dynamic people. The first thing they asked us when we entered is "kumain na ba kayo? Tara, kain tayo." Immediately, we felt welcome--at home and at ease. We all trooped to the canteen which lies a few steps away from the OT department in this subdivision-like, peaceful complex (to think that this place is full of soldiers! :p) After taking our energy boost, we were oriented to the place by Sir Macky, it's history, people behind it, and what we as future interns will be expected to do there. Then, we were toured around the hospital when we went to visit a level C5 SCI patient who was attended to by Kuya JV. We went outside to visit the cool prosthetics and braces shop with the cool commander (ang saya!), it was a 1949 establishment pa! We went back inside the hospital to be introduced to the dynamic PTs and the Executive Officer who joked with us for quite a long time. Then we went back to the OT department to observe and participate in the treatments. After a while, Sir Macky oriented us (actually,more like gave us a lecture) on the different assessment tools there were in the clinic. We even had a competition between the interns and practicumers on whose the fastest in the spatial relations assessment tool, and guess what?! We won! Hurrah, karisse!!! :) After that, it was time to go (back to school, that is) for our afternoon class. We even had a homework for the next day, because we were told we would be doing hands on IEs the next day. Whew, what a day! It felt like a crash course on the whole OT3-phys. dys. subject. I went home that night browsing my pedretti, trombly, hislop, gonio and opa books.
The next day came soon enough, same routine until we got there and instead of doing eval., we told sir macky that sir joel said observations muna so he allowed us to observe nalang ate sam doing the eval. If I'm not mistaken, the guy was a stroke patient. The IE was supposed to last for only 45 mins., but the IE lasted for almost 2 1/2 hours not including the interview of the caregivers/family members. This time, Ma'am Loida was the one who taught us. We really learned a lot, we even caught new terms: protopathic and epicritic. (haha) While doing the IE, I was also watching Kuya JV in the other side of the room do treatments on a 1 yr 1 month baby for neck control. The baby was hilarious! He was like on mute whenever he cried, esp. the first cry and he will hold his breath while crying for a long time which caused him to darken ( I was afraid he would be hypoxic) and only until he breathed would a sound be produced. When we went out of the mat room, there were so many patients, the clinic was so crowded there seemed like no space left. Everywhere you turn you'll see stroke patients doing MRMT, arm restorator, etc. It was nice to see how you were supposed to handle real patients. A far cry from the practicals we have at school. Then, it was time to say goodbye, Sir macky delivered quite a formal ending speech wherein he said that sana may natutunan kami and that we would teach our classmates what we have learned. He also said he hoped that through this, we would come to love the area of physical dysfunction. We went back to school to attend pharma, wherein grades were dictated if you're line of 9, and thank God my name was called. Congrats again to Tygre! Diligence and prayer is what it takes. =) Well, I'm so sleepy na, so signing off for now. Btw, looking forward to my internship at V. Luna. :p

Sicilian

2007-11-10T11:42:00.000+08:00

hehe just got back from lunch where George's mom, Tita Cynthia treated us at Sicilian (dnt know if i got it correctly). We ate pastas and pizza, my favorite! yum :p thanks, Tita! hehe

All this was after we interviewed Tita about her pregnancy history as well as George's development from birth until the present (haha nabuko si George! all the while during the interview, George was groaning in the background :p). All the same, we find it adorable, George.

I just hope this history taking assignment in Pedia OT8 reaps a good grade. All in all, I think I'm blessed with having such a great group consisting of ella, tygre, kaye, george & ate camille. Thanks, you guys! :p

random musings...

2007-09-26T22:01:00.000+08:00

Pain is not a cosmic joke, it isn't something unpleasant simply there to make our lives miserable. But rather, it is God's great gift to humanity...an unwanted and unappreciated grace, but grace nonetheless.

note: if u are skeptical, grab a philip yancey book "Where is God When it Hurts?"

-----------o------------>-------------<-----------o--------

Last year in our ethics class, we were assigned to report on the topic of human experimentation. What I discovered during the span of my research opened my eyes to many things, not the least of which is the capacity of human beings for cruelty. What unnerved me is that people are actually capable of such brutality toward their fellow humans! Now this may be because they are innately cruel, which I don't quite believe, or because they are just ignorant. Ignorant of what? Ignorant of the fact that each and every person has been painstakingly formed, molded, shaped and created in God's own image, which is why the Bible says "I am fearfully and wonderfully made."

--------------------------------------------------------------------

just some things to contemplate on... =)

UST-Community Center Practicum

2007-09-18T01:00:00.000+08:00

haay grabeh kakabaliw tlga mga patients dun haha meron pko naging patient nakipagshake hands pa, ako na raw ung bago nyang friend haha tpos yang away pa nila sa group treatment which felt like world war 3 na nakakatakot kasi napaka-unpredictable pa nila kasi they themselves have no control over their mental faculties..pero di nman lhat gnun, ung mga ngkataon lng tlga na inatake ng manic state nila na sabaysabay pa..mababait din nmn ung mga iba like si yummyboy na tumulong pa magayos ng mga upuan, si kuya na puro tattoo, at yung kapangalan ng isa naming kaklase na may brace din hehe (kelangang gumamit ng codenames dahil d pwdng ma-violate ang ethical principle na confidentiality..dr. pedrosa will be proud of me haha :p)
thank God tlga tpos na yan and ok naman individual treatment namin..nagulat nga ako na it went so smoothly tpos sbi pa nung patient namin, sa totoo daw nalibang sya dun sa coin purse na gnawa nya..it's nice to see na kahit papaano nkapagbgay saya kmi, no matter how babaw..

pero truth be told, it was really draining..imagine mo, 2 days lang yun and it felt like a whole week..kya nga may takot din ako na kung ngaun nga gnyan na, pno pa kya pg intership na?! sbi nga ni sheena, solo flight na by that time tpos imagine doing it everyday..haay bka ako na ung mapasok sa cc nyan! haha salamat nga pla sa aking mga kagrupo lalo na sila sheena at almi na sumalo ng lhat ng panlalait ni kuya star a.k.a. ginintuang aral at syempre kay jen, ang aking partner sa indiv. treatment tska sa lhat ng nagdonate ng mga leather nila pra sa aming individual treatment (lalo na kay dal! super thanks tlga), tska kila es pla pra sa puncher nila. By God's grace...praise Him!

Final Preparation

2007-08-03T23:14:00.000+08:00

Lately, what we've been doing at school are all the major stuff that we need when we go on to work as occupational therapists. We begin to do full scale treatment plans from the assessments to the plans of action. I'm actually quite surprised that I enjoy the thrill of racking my brains and coming up with a plan that will really benefit the client/patient. Still, I can't help but have these doubts of what if I wasn't good enough, what if the stuff I learned from school and the experiences I gained fall short of what is needed for my professional life..? That's why in this last one and a half year, I'm trying to learn all I can, gain all I can, and experience all I can to prepare me for the life ahead.

school starts

2007-06-18T21:08:00.000+08:00

well, it's back to school yet again..as usual, i still have hang-overs from the summer vacation and my mind isn't programmed for learning yet, but would you believe we were already given assignments on the first day..?! The first one was to do a paper on the different assessment tools for work, the next one was to read a 2chapter 66-page stuff on kinesiology.. Just aS well, I'd better get started on the reading since we have a recitation this wed. and a quiz this friday. :Sigh: so many things to do and stuff to finish, all of it seem so overwhelming... Nevertheless, it reminds me of what we were just discussing at church last few weeks or so--GRACE. 2Corinthians 12:9-10 states that God's grace is sufficient for us and His strength is made perfect in our weakness. Now, because God's grace indeed is enough for me, as I've experienced so many times in the past, I can say with confidence "when I am weak, then I am strong."

I can't believe I'm now in my 4th year of college! After 3 gruelling years, I've finally reached this stage in my life where I am now being looked up to as a senior, supposedly an "expert" on college life, with freshmen and lower batches asking me for advice and tips on the subjects I've previously taken.. Yet again I say, everything is by God's grace. Praise the Lord!

it's not everyday you get to touch a heart

2006-12-10T14:54:00.000+08:00

Wednesday is our dissection day. As always, we don our lab gowns, put on our surgical caps, masks, and lastly, our gloves. What makes this Wednesday extraordinary or much more special than usual is the fact that we were on the topic of thorax2, more popularly known as the heart and lungs. Although it's another wednesday where we get to smell like formalin, cadaver, and mentos all in one, anticipation was building as we entered the anatomy lab. I slipped on an extra pair of gloves, just in case, and braced myself for the overpowering smell of dead bodies and formalin. The first thing I saw when I entered was the maggots lazing around in one of the long tables where a cadaver used to lay. I shook my head and thanked God that our cadaver wasn't fully ravaged by maggots yet. When I got to our John Doe, whom we fondly call 'tikboy', we said a word of prayer and went on to cut open the ribs and clavicle (collarbone), next came the heart and lungs. As we detached the heart from its attachment in the lungs and several blood vessels, we found blocks of blood clots in the arteries. We had to wash them clean before being able to section the heart and study its parts. Now, I might sound so nonchalant about this, but when I saw the heart and actually held it in my hands, it was so overwhelming. It's not everyday you get to hold a real person's heart in your hands, gloved though it may be.

Never in my entire childhood did I dream that one day I'd be able to hold a stranger's heart in my hands, nor did I dream that I'd be brave enough or have the guts to do it. As we studied the parts of the heart, the coronary arteries, ligamentum arteriosum (sounds like something from Harry Potter, eh?!--accdg. to Dr. Gonzalez), and all those other weird medical jargon I can't even pronounce, I marvelled at this special opportunity I had--that once in my lifetime, I could say "hey, I was able to hold a human heart."

A Person in Progress

2006-09-15T17:22:00.000+08:00

“My God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:19).
Paul was a person in progress—just like you, just like me. As we read through Paul’s letters and compare his earlier writings with his later ones, we can measure subtle but significant changes in his approach to life as he matures. Philippians 4:19 is but one such example. Paul had confirmed over time that God would indeed supply every one of his needs. That Paul had needs should come as no shock. He was in prison. The Philippian believers were concerned about the needs of their patron saint, so they took up a collection—a special love offering—and sent it to Paul via the honorable Epaphroditus (2:25). So overcome with joy was Paul that he wrote them a tender and joyful thank you letter, the book we call Philippians. He was not so overwhelmed by the cash itself as the thought that these dear people loved and cared about him. Because of their sacrificial love toward prisoner Paul, he was able to write, “I am amply supplied” (4:8). God met Paul’s needs. He will surely meet yours. INSIGHT:When we pray about our needs, God may not give us the answer we envisioned, but we can trust it to be the perfect provision.

I just read this devotional today, and it was timely too. Just when I was agonizing over the fact that I had soooooooooooooooooooooooooo many projects, reports, quizzes, papers, and things to get done, God said, "I will meet your needs." So simple a statement, yet so powerful. No more worrying about what I need to do tomorrow, next week or next month..just the fact that if I just do my part, trust in Him, He will provide a way and lead me through it, and I can trust that His provision is perfect in every way, even in the timing--it is not early, for us not to boast we did it by ourselves, and it is not late, for Him to fulfill His promise. It is just right on time for us to know that it is God who did this. Thank You, Lord, for Your faithfulness.

exam results

2006-09-11T18:19:00.000+08:00

well, hey...here I am again after quite some time :p it really is quite a tedious job keeping a blog.. I'm actually considering deleting my blog..haha but no, I won't do it..simply because I recently added a new game which, hopefully, you will be addicted to.. =) anyway, what's new in my life as a pre-med student? very few, actually, if you consider having the results of my neuroanatomy prelims exam out and me having a fairly mediocre grade at that..but I know I could've done better! argh! if it hasn't been for my carelessness...oh,well...life's like that...as I love to say, cest la vie! what better response than to accept it. I'm almost fearful to see the results of my other exams..anatomy lec & lab, physiology lec & lab, psycs, tsot lec & lab, hbot, scl..........well, we'll just have to wait and see, won't we? :p

awesome song!

2006-06-07T19:40:00.000+08:00

Faithful Father
(Brian Doerksen)

Father, I can’t explain this kind of love
This kind of grace
I know I still break Your heart
And yet You run to welcome me

This is my song of praise to You
For who You are and all that You do
From the moment my life began
You have been faithful

Father, I love the way You hold me close
And say my name
I know when my life is through
My heart will find its home in You

This is my song of praise to You
For who You are and all that You do
From the moment my life began
You have been faithful
You will be faithful Forever faithful

This is our song of praise to You
For who You are and all that You do
From before the world began
You have been faithful

You will be faithful, forever faithful

Copyright © 1996 Mercy/Vineyard Publishing. All rights reserved. International copyright secured.

I came across this song when I was sent a link by my friend. It was entitled the Father's love letter, and is a flash movie about God's love letter to us. This song was playing in the background, and though it was not that loud, I can't help but hear the words "I know I still break Your heart, And yet You run to welcome me." Shucks, I'm getting all teary-eyed here. Anyway, all in all, this is a really touching song. =) it really is a must-hear!

vaction's almost over

2006-06-05T21:10:00.000+08:00

well, it's been a long time since I last wrote here..it seems as if I also took a vacation away from my blog during the summer..haha oh well, there are sooo many things I want to write about but I don't really know where to start..How about a summary? All right, a super short summary of two months or so.. I did two volunteer jobs at montessori programs and pre-schools, had 3 consultations regarding disabilities like cerebral palsy, developmental delay disorder and autism, took up a memorology course, and learned a piano piece, etc. Well, that wasn't so bad, if I might say so myself.. But then, here comes the sad part--summer break's almost over! Adjusting all over again..ugh! I hate it.. but what choice do I have?! besides, God is always beside me, and I know it is His loving hands that will guide me throughout the rough roads, as well as the smooth ones..thank You, Lord!

2006-03-27T02:05:00.000+08:00

Well, hey, I'm back! You would not believe the day I had... I'm now officially an adult! March 26, 2006...hah! my 18th birthday... I cannot believe how many people remembered my birthday! Many thanks to all of you... You made this day unbelievable! Actually, the way we celebrated was neither extravagant nor outspoken...it was as simple as an intimate dinner with my family..but then, it was also great because it was a constant reminder that whatever happens, throughout all the events whether good or bad, big or small--my family will always be there as witnesses of my life. That's why I thank the Lord so much for this family who's been with me through it all, who've seen it all, but still chose to stay... Hey, I'm getting all mushy here.. someone hand me a tissue! Just kidding. Well, I'll keep this short since I actually just wrote to announce to everyone that I've finally come of age. Well, see yah!

weekend

2006-03-03T18:53:00.000+08:00

at last, after a gruelling week, it has come to an end! but still, the assignments and homeworks don't stop there.. they keep on piling up week after week, which, if I'm not careful, I might find myself in way over my head. oh, well..at least, I get to take a much needed breather. And oh yeah, I almost forgot, there's a crescent-shaped moon tonight, which reminds me very much of the grinning cheshire cat in Alice in Wonderland. It's almost reassuring to think I can still notice something as small and insignificant to others when I'm obviously so dead to the world and all I can think about right now is sleeping..zzz...which makes me appreciate the fact that I still have time to write this..haha the ironies of life...Oh, well..It all ends here. God bless ya all n happy weekend! Over n out..thank God! =p

My Desperate Time and God's Own Time

2006-03-03T03:16:00.000+08:00

this is sooo true..i got this from our church's website--www.thepathwayoflife.net

Time Zones and Faith
by John Fischer

Our thought for today comes from a woman who has had more difficulties to deal with than a lot of us put together. That is why she has a right to say what she says, and why we should take notice when she says it.

"I know discouragement comes easy, but I also know things happen when God is ready for them to happen and not a second sooner. God knows why he wants things to happen in the order they have to. We just need to be ready when they come."

This is a woman in a complex situation seeking to hold onto a childlike faith while displaying an adult-like wisdom. What she's saying is that she has recognized there are two different time zones going on when it comes to correlating God's will and our experience. One I'll call My Desperate Time (MDT) and the other, God's Own Time (GOT).

Most of us run on MDT. MDT defines our reality. It's what we see and feel always. We are conscious of it the minute we rise up in the morning until we put our weary heads on the pillow at night. We measure pleasure and pain by it; we judge our overall state-of-being by it.

God, on the other hand, exists in another time zone entirely. In GOT, His will is always done, and nothing is ever late. GOT also takes into account the MDT of everyone, which can often get tangled up. You see there are as many MDT zones as there are people, and that means they can often be in conflict. But with God there is never any conflict. There is only one GOT and as far as He is concerned, everything is right on schedule.

This is why it is utterly silly to wonder if God has heard our prayers based on whether or not He has acted in MDT. God always hears our prayers -- He has most likely already answered them -- he just answered them in GOT.

Most of our issues with God are all about time zones. Think about the hapless Bible character, Job. Job was smack in the middle of MDT all the while he was suffering, and his best friends were trying to figure out why God wasn't doing anything in MDT. Well, we know now that God rarely does; He is always in GOT and we can see that now, in Job's case, because his life ultimately caught up with GOT. Eventually, all MDT will be GOT. In fact, that will be what heaven is all about. We will all be kicking back in God's Own Time.

So faith is mostly all about time zones. When you pray, know that you were heard, and move ahead, believing in GOT and just maybe, MDT won't be so desperate.

2006-01-11T20:22:00.000+08:00

A REAL Christian... He feels supreme love for the One whom he has never seen; talks familiarly every day to Someone he cannot see; expects to go to heaven on the virtue of Another; empties himself in order to be full; admits he is wrong so he can be declared right; goes down in order to get up; is strongest when he is weakest; richest when he is poorest and happiest when he feels worst. He dies so he can live; forsakes in order to have; gives away so he can keep; sees the invisible; hears the inaudible and knows that which passeth understanding.

new year's resolution crap

2006-01-11T01:50:00.000+08:00

here i am again...puyat na naman! haha well, occupational therapy is really a tiring course... --that's the understatement of the year! i mean, to survive in this course, you really need to put a lot of work into it (like what I'm doing right now)... well, cest la vie, that's just the way life is... anyway, it's really starting to get interesting; no wonder the Lord placed me here in the first place...truly, He knows best. Oh, and before I forget, a happy new year to everyone! I didn't make any resolutions this year, whether conscious or unconscious ones bec. honestly, I'm tired of the whole idea! New year's resolutions are like promises made to be broken, no use in making them. That's why, this year I'm trying something different--reverse psychology?! haha, an interesting thought but, no... This year, on January 8, we had a prayer meeting of consecrating ourselves to the Lord. And that's precisely what I did! This is mainly because I admit to myself-and to the Lord-that I'm not self-sufficient anymore, that without Him I am and can do nothing, that only He can change me. In that prayer, I place my heart in His hands, asking Him to seal it until the day He comes again. May the Lord fulfill my heart's desire.

"Even if we are faithless, He will continue to be faithful for He cannot disown Himself."

year end blog

2006-01-01T14:24:00.000+08:00

whew! this christmas break qualifies as one of the more unforgettable days of my teenage life... super sayang tlaga... I wasn't able to go to the tagaytay youth conference, I mean, I really need it!! Oh well, this year's about to end, and right now, I'm still here at the vancouver airport waiting for my delayed flight... I just got to thinking, this year 2005, did I live my life in a worthwhile manner? Have the things I did or the way I lived been pleasing to my Lord? Honestly, only God knows.. These are matters of the heart, and when it comes to people's heart--especially mine--no one knows 'em better than my Lord. Anyways, I'll keep it short as I realized it's year-end and nobody would want to waste their time reading someone else's blog.. so, here ends my blog... wishing y'all a happy new year!!! 2006 here we come...

interesting...

2005-08-22T11:42:00.000+08:00

I read an interesting email a few months ago, and here it is..> MARS comes to within 34,649,589 miles of Earth and> will be (next to the moon) the brightest object in the> night sky>> Starting in August, Mars will look as large as the> full moon to the naked eye.>> This month and next, Earth is catching up with Mars in> an encounter that will culminate in the closest> approach between the two planets in recorded history.>> At the beginning of August it will rise in the east at> 10p.m. and reach its azimuth at about 3 a.m.>> By the end of August when Earth and Mars are closest,> Mars will rise at nightfall and reach its highest> point in the sky at 12:30a.m.>> The encounter will culminate on August 27th when Mars> comes to within 34,649,589 miles of Earth and will be> (next to the moon) the brightest object in the night> sky.>> That's pretty convenient to see something that no> human being has seen in recorded history. So, mark> your calendar at the beginning of August to see Mars> grow progressively brighter and brighter throughout> the month. And be sure to watch the sky on August> 27th. It will look like the Earth has two moons!>> The next time Mars may come this close is in 2287.>> Due to the way Jupiter's gravity tugs on Mars and> perturbs its orbit, astronomers can only be certain> that Mars has not come this close to Earth in the Last> 5,000 years, but it may be as long as 60,000 years> before it happens again.>> Share this with your children and grandchildren. NO> ONE ALIVE TODAY WILL EVER SEE THIS AGAIN.

nothing new...

2005-08-09T19:01:00.000+08:00

haha I've missed my blog!!! As usual, my head was, and still is, buried under tons of books. Will there be no end to all these studying?! I've gotta have a break! Good thing the Lord was so good to me and He gave me at least yesterday to take a breather from everything. Well, back to usual today---time to hit the books again, which reminds me, I still have Bio. sci. and Chem. to study for! Argh! Better get going...

haha nothing new

2005-08-09T01:03:00.000+08:00

boy, I've missed my blog!!! It feels like decades since I last wrote... well, as usual, it's because my face is completely buried in books! Walking around like a zombie, without sleep, not lacking eyebags, I'm definitely not one to be envied. Thankfully, the school took pity on this poor soul and declared yesterday no classes. Oh, well...early start again today 7am, ugh!

Mother's day

2005-05-08T22:17:00.000+08:00

well, it's the time of year again where we give special attention to those who served as mothers to us be it biologically or simply those who care for us just as a mother would... Last night, I suddenly had the urge to bake cookies for the "mothers" in my life. So off I went to bake oatmeal raisin cookies...the smell wafting from the oven was enough to guarantee my success, for this was the first time I did something like this. Well, to cut the long story short, my hard work was not in vain for the cookies came out beautifully and the mothers in my life appreciated it and they said it was yummy...they even thought that those were store-bought cookies! I was so happy that my hard work paid off, after all, what was a night of hard work in comparison to the year-long care and love that they have given me?! So to all the great women in our lives, a Happy Mother's Day!

a treat for tastebuds!

2005-04-26T20:25:00.000+08:00

Sunday April 24, 2005

Went to a wedding reception at Makati Shangri-la on Sunday night. Of course, I'm a food buff, so I'm not here to talk about the program, but only the food... So the 7-course meal we had for dinner was Japanese food which started off with the appetizer in the form of Kani Salad, then there was the sumptuous Assorted Maki and Sushi Rolls, followed by the Sukiyaki Soup (a little too sweet for my taste, but yummy, nonetheless..), after that, we had Mixed Tempura (I wasn't aware you could do that to eggplants and carrots and still get away with it tasting so..uhm..they haven't invented a word for it yet)..by the time the main course came out, we were so full we couldn't eat a bite more, but who could pass up Tepan Grilled Chicken fillet with Terriyaki Sauce and Japanese Fried Rice?! So on I ate as if my life depended on it. The dessert was really a treat, both for the kids and adults. What with Green Tea Ice Cream resting on my tongue, I barely had time to talk as I consumed a bowlful! (talk about gustatory delight!) To top it off, the amazing flower setting in the middle of the tables took our breath away. Whoever did them should be commended! The light pink and peach-colored roses were especially wonderful.. What an evening!

Here I Go Again...

2005-04-17T23:30:00.000+08:00

STILL HE WALKED

He could hear the crowds screaming "crucify" "crucify"...
He could hear the hatred in their voices,
These were His chosen people.
He loved them,
And they were going to crucify Him.
He was beaten, bleeding and weakened...
His heart was broken,
But still He walked.

He could see the crowd as He came from the palace.
He knew each of the faces so well.
He had created them.
He knew every smile, laugh, and shed tear,
But now they were contorted with rage and anger...
His heart broke,But still He walked.

Was He scared?
You and I would have been
So His humanness would have mandated that He was.
He felt alone.
His disciples had left, denied, and even betrayed Him.
He searched the crowd for a loving face and He saw very few.
Then He turned His eyes to the only One that mattered
And He knew that He would never be alone.
He looked back at the crowd, at the people who were spitting
At Him, throwing rocks at Him and mocking Him and He knew
That because of Him, they would never be alone.
So for them, He walked.

The sounds of the hammer striking the spikes echoed through
The crowd. The sounds of His cries echoed even louder,
The cheers of the crowd, as His hands and feet
Were nailed to the cross, intensified with each blow.
Loudest of all was the still small voice inside His
Heart that whispered "I am with You, my Son",
And God's heart broke.
He had let His Son walk.

Jesus could have asked God to end His suffering,
But instead He asked God to forgive.
Not to forgive Him, but to forgive the ones who were persecuting Him.
As He hung on that cross, dying an unimaginable death,
He looked out and saw, not only the faces in the crowd,
But also, the face of every person yet to be,
And His heart filled with love.
As His body was dying, His heart was alive.
Alive with the limitless, unconditional love He feels for each of us.
That is why He walked.

When I forget how much My God loves me,
I remember His walk.
When I wonder if I can be forgiven,
I remember His walk.
When I need reminding of how to live like Christ,
I think of His walk.
And to show Him how much I love Him,
I wake up each morning,
turn my eyes to Him,
And I walk.

--Author Unknown

This poem really touched me so. Not just because it speaks of Christ's death and love for me, a sinner, but also because it reminds me to walk. To walk faithfully, perseveringly... though trials and problems come my way, still the Lord helps me say 'come what may'. hey, it rhymes! haha

neophyte

2005-04-08T02:50:00.000+08:00

Sooo...I finally found time to create my own blog this summer. Well, nothing much to do except hang around...soooo borrring! On the brighter side, I get to go swimming and stuff. Well, I'll keep it short for now...